SB Fashion

Over the (omg, has it really been that long?) four years since I first entered the sugar world, I've had to pick up some tricks in order to stay on top of my game. I realize looking back over this blog that a lot of my posts are about what an SD should and shouldn't do, so I've decided to start speaking to my sisters in sugar.

So, we're starting with clothing. I'm no fashionista, but I do love and respect clothes and the power they have.

As SBs, our goal is to attract men. We want them to be thinking about us naked, thinking about how much fun they could be having with us. However, we don't want to broadcast that to the rest of the world.

My SB 'uniform' of sorts is a J Crew v-neck cashmere sweater, dark wash jeans, and pointy-toed kitten heels. Heels are a must, for the sound they make on the floor and the general polish they give to a look. I'm tall, so I stick with kitten heels so as not to be intimidating.

If this isn't a first meeting, then the point of the outfit should be that it is sexy, but not overly so, and easy to take off while still looking sexy. Lots of layers or buttons and too tight jeans don't come off in a sexy way. I test an outfit by watching myself take it off in the mirror to see if I look ridiculous. A thin sweater is ideal.

I have in the past been a bit more 'business casual,' depending on what the SD needed, as far as discretion goes. In those cases I lean towards a nice shell and cardigan with black or gray dress pants. J Crew, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic are all good.

Accessories should be kept to a minimum. I have a pretty big bag that I like. It's nice to have room for a pair of flip flops for the walk home or other little things.

Also, a word on girl style versus guy style. That cute shirt dress, those ankle boots? That's girl style. A v-neck tee, tight jeans? That's guy style. An SB needs to dress for guy style. This means low cut, accentuates the waist, flattering clothes. Girl style is trendy and often not very figure-flattering. Save that for going to school or shopping. Guys just don't get leggings or chunky necklaces, even if they are the hot new thing!

The Age Gap

As my tag-line reads, my SDs have all been at a minimum twice my age. It has spoiled me a bit, and now even in my dating life I can't stand the boys my age. I go up at least five years before I even consider a guy.

I've become comfortable around older men. Perhaps even more comfortable than I am with younger men. I'm not talking about men my grandfather's age, or really even my father's age, but men in their 40s or so.

But now I have a new potential who falls outside of that range. A new potential who is intelligent, witty, attractive, and an all around nice guy.

He's 32.

And I honestly see that as a drawback. Strangely enough, I feel less comfortable than if he were 42 or 52. I know what those men want and expect (or I like to think I do!). With this potential, I feel off-balance.

He's young enough to fall into my dating pool, and I think that may be what is most off-putting for me. I want to like my SD, but I don't want to have to worry about it becoming more, emotionally for me.

What's a good SB to do? Be careful, like with everything else in this crazy world!

Hotels do's and don'ts

Hotels become a routine with certain SB/SD arrangements. I've stayed in my fair share of 5-star hotels, but I did my best not to lose my sense of awe at the general opulence and sparkle that they all seem to have. I did however hide my awe as best I could.

For an SB, staying under the radar is key. I often reserved a room just for the day rate, which is a dead giveaway that something unusual is going down for the staff. I've gotten some amused looks and winks, as well as some glares.

Staying under the radar reduces the glares, I've found. I always arrive before my SD and simply text him the room number. This prevents awkwardness at the check-in desk, or at least minimizes it.

Always, and I mean always, put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door, especially if you do the day-rate. The middle of the day is when the rooms are all being cleaned, and those cleaning ladies have keys. It's not fun to be walked in on, or have to get up in the middle of getting down to shoo them away. And I've had both happen to me!

Another tip to to dress conservatively. If you're getting there before your SD then you'll have plenty of time to change or take off layers, but this helps prevent the glares.

Finally, calling to make the reservation can be awkward, but doing it online usually means that you can't get a day-rate and you'll probably pay more. I really like Hilton. There are a lot of them in any big city, and often if your first choice doesn't have a day-rate room available the person on the phone will offer you another hotel nearby, at a slight discount for the inconvenience, of course!

Varying degrees of SBs

There are different types of SBs for all different types of SDs needs!

There are the girls who go to events, dinners, parties, and then back to the SDs condo for some fun.

Then the girls who meet in the middle of the day at different hotels with their married SDs. Ordering in room service and chatting on the bed before getting down to bid-ness. ;)

Or there are the girls who meet their SDs in private, at their place, at his place, or at a hotel for some quick fun.

I think all of these variations can be called an SB, and they often blend together based on different factors. At different points I've been a different type! I prefer the second option, but as I've gone farther in my college career that has become increasingly difficult. It is usually the most in-demand type, from what I've seen.

Another type is the travel SB, who either travels because her SD lives far away, or goes along with him on trips for business and pleasure. I've only done this a couple of times, but boy is it fun!

A little too close for comfort

Another story from my past...

I met up with a potential for a quick Starbucks meeting. He was a little late, but had a good excuse, so I let it go. He was charming, witty, handsome, and we had a lot in common. What more could I ask for?

Well, it turns out we had a LOT in common.

I had friends who were alums of his children's grade school. We worked in the same industry. In fact, he knew my boss.

We both played it cool. I think he knew that he had more to lose than I did, but it still scared me! He kept pointing out how the whole '5-degrees of separation' thing clearly was more like 1-degree for us.

He pursued me after the first date, but I sent him a quick email saying it simply wasn't a good fit.

It's amazing how a big city can actually be ridiculously small when you narrow it down to certain circles. A bit scary, to be honest. I now always ask specific questions about a potentials career and stay away from anyone too close to mine!

Money Honey

So, I had a great question from Allie (hope it's ok to link to you!). She asked just what the financials of this sort of arrangement are.

I have two answers, one is from my personal experience, and the other is pure hearsay.

Personally, I've the top range I've experienced was over $5,000 a months. Every time I saw him, he had an envelope with $1,000 in cash and he paid a couple of my bills. We normally saw each other 2-3 times a month for an hour or two on his lunch break at a nice hotel.

My average though has been around $2,000 or $3,000 a month. Granted, I have a limited schedule, and that really affects how much a potential is willing to shell out!

From what I've had potentials offer, it seems the average is less than that. Most guys on the sites see it as 'bulk-buy' prostitution (as I've mentioned before). Very often they talk about picking up a bill or two, which usually means less than $1,000 a month.

Now, for the hearsay part. From talking with a couple of girls and from what I see posted on the sites, I think I've been pretty lucky. Very few girls get less than the couple of bills paid that I mentioned before. In fact, very few girls seem to get to the stage where bills are being paid. To start, most SDs just give an envelope with whatever until they feel more comfortable that this will be a longer-term arrangement.

Also, location has a lot to do with it. I live in a big city, and so there are more SDs and I can afford to be picky. If a girl lives in a less populated area and can't travel much then she won't have many options.

Where's the Line?

I mentioned last week that I'm not a fan of being public with my sd/sb relationships. But where exactly is the line? Clearly I want to spend some time in public with an SD, especially while he's just a potential.

I love going out to nice restaurants. One of my favorite places to eat is at the Four Seasons. And, obviously, this is always done with an SD.

I think the line gets drawn when people around us know that we're sexually involved.

For a while I thought that outside of my city, or even outside of my country, I wouldn't care. That's been put to the test and now I can officially say that it doesn't matter what continent, I don't like when random people walking by or sitting next to me know that I'm fucking a guy twice my age.

So, how do you keep people from guessing? Keep the conversation away from anything related to sex, and even if it's our first time meeting pretend like we know each other a little. No physical contact (hand on leg, holding hands) should occur.

There are lots of SBs out there who would be happy to have an SD parade them around town. I'm not one of them, so if that's what a potential wants I have to wish him the best and move on. Oh well!

Costco for Excorts

Some potentials seem to see a sugar baby as a way to spend less money than what they currently do on escorts. I often want to send these men links to local escort ads in response, but I've always resisted the urge.

For example, Mr Z sent me an email letting me know that he was willing to give me $2000 a month in return for being exclusive and meeting at least three times a week. He filled his message with a lot of explanations, chiefly that $2000 a month is more than a lot of people make working 40 hours a week.

I had some major issues with Mr Z. Firstly, his profile was woefully inadequate, addressing only what race of woman he was looking for and that he is a very good lover.

Secondly, $2000 a month at a 40 hour a week job is $12.50 an hour. I really think that saying 'a lot' of people was an overstatement, especially considering I make more than that at my part-time job.

Thirdly, he clearly falls into the Costco Sugar Daddy group. Three times a week would mean approx. $165 per meeting. From my quick surfing of craigslist that seems to be the going rate for an hour with any of the beautiful ladies on there.

Mr Z is not alone in seeing a Sugar Baby as a budget escort. I want to explain to all of them their folly, but instead I bite my tongue and delete their emails before my resolve wilts away.

Sorry guys, but you can't save money buy bulk-buying your hours with an escort and calling her a sugar baby. At least not with any of the smart ones.

Daddy Issues

I'll admit it. I have daddy issues. And for once, I mean my real father.

I think a lot of girls who go for this sort of arrangement probably do too. I have always been attracted to older men, and I have no problem admitting that it stems from problems with my father.

Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, and he loves me too. There was never ANY abuse, so please don't go there. I just think, like a lot of girls, that I never got enough attention from him, never enough love. He tried, but he's just not a very touchy-feely guy.


So I've always wanted other men to love me, to want me. I get off on it. Is it messed up that I know this and still indulge it? Perhaps. But, for now, it's how I choose to deal with it. I simply don't know any other way.

A lot of girls on sites seem to be looking for daddy replacements too. The terminology alone not only condones it, but encourages it. He's my daddy, I'm his baby.

To be honest though, if any guy actually wanted me to call him 'daddy,' in or out of bed, I'd run for the hills! That's too much, even for me!!

Married Men Tips and Tricks

With married SDs I really have to be careful. I don't mean that I have to worry about my safety. I have to worry about doing anything which might alert their wife to their extramarital activities.

The biggest rule is to never wear perfume! This is a dead give-away. This includes everything from my favorite Jo Malone spray to scented body lotion. I have found the greatest unscented lotion ever, and it sits next to my regular lotion ready for my married SD to call.

Another thing to be careful about is leaving any sort of mark during sex. I don't normally leave marks during sex, but it is still something to keep in mind!

Discretion is key. Most married SDs want to meet during the day at hotels (I don't bring SDs to my place). This means I book the hotel, I check in, and then I text him with the room number. All he has to do is knock on the door! When we leave, it's up to him how careful he wants to be. Some want to leave at seperate times, whereas with my one long-term SD we went down in the elevator together, but then seperated. I had to check out at the front desk, and he had to get his ass into a cab and back to work asap!

Texting is prefered over calling. He can get back to me whenever is most convienient for him. I also only call or text during work hours, and certainly never on weekends.

Expectations for First Meetings

'Expectations' might not be quite the right word, but it's close. I have general ideas on how a first meeting should go. These are flexible and are simply guidelines, but in general they fit.

I know a lot of girls expect a gift of some sort on the first meeting, but I never have expected that, and I never have received that. What I do expect is for the man to pay for whatever drink/food I order. This has never been an issue, as I think it's understood. Also, I would say 75% of the time the man offers to pay for my cab ride home. I usually accept this, and it's always nice to have it offered.

First meetings should never be too long. I would say anything over an hour and a half is too long. One man said he only had time for a quick meeting, and then we ended up sitting in the bar for three hours. Too long!

Topics of conversation should be like any first date, although when we first meet in the bar/restaurant/whatever I never say 'So nice to meet you' or anything like that. I wouldn't want the people around us to think anything other than innocent things about what we are up to. I do talk a bit about my background, but I keep it vague. I'm always surprised when men give me very intimate details of their lives, when they've only just met me!

In general, I'm here to see if we have any chemistry. Don't try too hard, it backfires. I'm also making sure that you are who you said you were online. Most importantly, I'm doing a gut check. Do you freak me out? Do I get a bad vibe? Do I feel that I could spend time with you and enjoy it?

That's it!

Nailing it all Down

Talking about specifics of an arrangement is very tricky. I've dealt with everything from first emails outlining exactly how often they want to meet and what allowance they want to give, to never even discussing those things.

Personally, I prefer to wait until after we've had a first meeting to talk about specifics, through emails. This way we've already established that we both would like to go ahead with an arrangement, and can get the business out of the way.

Many guys want to talk about it during the first meeting, but this puts me off a bit for two reasons. First, we're in public, and god only knows who is listening in on what we are talking about. Secondly, it is awkward no matter how you look at it, and discussing it in person, especially if we disagree in anything, just makes it more awkward.

I've actually had one arrangement where we never discussed neither how often we would meet, nor what type of allowance he was willing to give. It worked out fine, but didn't last long as I think neither of us was happy with the situation.

The easiest thing for me is just putting it in my profile. I make it very clear in the text of my profile how often I want to meet a month, and both sites I'm on have a place to put 'desired allowance.' I hate that most men put 'negotiable.' This doesn't help me out at all! You must have a number in mind, just tell me!

First Meeting Nerves

I'm always nervous. Always.

The more that I want you to like me, the more nervous I'm going to be. If for instance you are really cute, or you seem like the perfect potential, I'm going to be more nervous than if you're a bit out of my target age range, or seem cheap.

But I'm still nervous.

The handful of first meetings I've had have mainly been at bars. They've ranged from a neighborhood bar where the guy said everyone knew his name (a bit creepy) to the bar at a 5 star hotel which had an elevator attendant. I've also had first meetings at coffee shops, restaurants, and one on the steps of a museum.

I have a couple of rules, as I've mentioned before, but I forgot to mention one that applies to first meetings.

I don't shave my legs.

Yeah, you heard me. I don't shave my legs. This helps me keep another one of my rules, not to sleep with a potential on the first meeting. This, of course, is waived in the cases where I've gone in knowing ahead of time that I was going to sleep with the man right away, but that's only been twice. It's probably a little silly, but it seems to do the trick.

I was tempted once, and was so glad that I had that to keep me from breaking my rule!!

Craigslist vs The Sites

I've been on two different sites for meeting SDs the couple of years I've been doing this. There are some great advantages to the sites, mainly that the men have to fill out profiles with their ages, location, and what they want. Some even list what amount of allowance they are willing to give. Sure, lots and lots of them lie, but at least you can get a general idea.

One of the sites I am on is a bit more classy, I suppose. I get fewer emails from it, but they are more likely to be quality. My one long-term SD I found through this site. The other site has a lot of guys who are just getting their rocks off by chatting, and looking for call girls, but I have met with a couple of nice potentials from there as well. Plus, it's a nice ego boost every morning to wake up to ten emails from guys who want to fuck me. No, I'm not interested, but it's an ego boost just like the Mexican guy at the corner shop who always asks if I have a boyfriend.

I just recently took a look at craigslist for the first time, and the idea of it all scares me a bit more than the sites do. I don't like that most of the men give very little information about themselves. I guess I'm just used to the profiles with ages and heights.

There's also something about having to email them. Sure, I could just put my own posting up, but so far I've been the one going after them. It's not my usual style, and not really how I like to start things off. I want them to want me, to come after me, otherwise the whole thing just seems off balance!

I emailed two men from craigslist the other day, and one of them actually seems like someone I might end up meeting. But that was mainly because he treated his post like a profile and filled in all the info I could want on him. Well, and he's also quite charming and mentioned taking me to a restaurant that I've been dying to try! In such a big city it just seems funny that he thought of that one restaurant too.

Perhaps I'll have to change my mind about craigslist and put it into my regular mix of sites to check. We shall see!

To Come or not to Come

# of Orgasms I've had: Countless

# of Orgasms from Men: 2

# of faked Orgasms: Countless again

I have had two real, honest-to-god orgasms thanks to men. I can get myself off easy, but coming during sex usually eludes me.

My first non-masturbatory orgasm was my first time meeting my one and only long-term SD (sugar daddy). I was on top, and he had just come, but was still inside me. We weren't even moving. I could feel it coming, and wasn't sure if I should let it, but ended up saying 'screw it.' I don't think he even noticed.

My second was while another SD was going down on me. Normally, I really can't enjoy that (long story), but before I had met up with him I had used my vibrator right up until I was about to come. So, I think it had less to do with his skill and more to do with the fact that I was already 90% there.

My last ex (as in real boy friend) was the only person I haven't had to fake it for. He didn't give a shit if I came or not, which I suppose should have tipped me off to him being a total asshole. Oh well!

The guy I'm currently seeing (non-SD) would probably be devastated if he knew I faked. I feel bad, but he really seems to put a lot on whether or not he can get me off, and he's such a nice guy I just can't tell him the truth!

Screening First Emails

Meeting a Sugar Daddy can be a long process. I've met up with quite a few guys trying to see if we had chemistry and if we were looking for the same thing. Normally though I can eliminate potentials before meeting, even before a second email.

I use websites to meet potentials and screen them through emails. Usually I only give out my phone number once we've decided to meet.

I have sent very few introductory emails in the couple of years I've been looking for an SD. I just let the guys come to me. I figure that if they aren't interested in my profile, what can I possibly say to change their mind?

The first email a guy sends tells me a lot about him. The form emails (ones that are not personalized at all) don't normally pull me in, but they're not an automatic no either, for me. The one or two word emails, or all caps, or major spelling/grammar mistakes are automatic no's. If you can't take the time to write at least one full sentence to me, then you clearly aren't very interested.

Another way to eliminate a potential from the first email is if they aren't in my area and don't ever travel here. I always double check by asking if they have business around here, which often nets me a 'No, but I'd love to fly you to me.' No thanks. I don't just hop on planes to meet strangers!

Asking about sex in the first email is a big no-no, as is asking for explicit photos. Yes, sex is a part of all this, but when it's all you want to talk about you make it clear that you're not an SD, you're a john.

So how does a lucky guy make it past the first email with me? Be polite, don't talk about sex (yet!), and give me something to go off of. Ask me a question, tell me a little about yourself, but don't write me a book. Refer to something I say in my profile to let me know you've actually read it and didn't just click on my picture. Maybe, just maybe, you'll get more than my 'sorry, not interested' email!

A little introduction

I'm a college student who just happens to, occasionally and secretly, meet up with men who are at a minimum twice my age to go to dinner, get a drink, and fuck. For money.

Do I consider myself a prostitute? No, but I have no problem with prostitutes in general and have considered switching over. To be honest, I don't think I'm a strong enough person to handle escorting without major consequences.

I also don't consider myself an escort because I think most escorts would be offended my presumption. I don't do half what they do. If you really like to use the word, perhaps something along the lines of hook-lite would work. And yes, I stole that from the amazing 'Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl.'

I don't even like the term 'sugar baby,' but it seems the most common label for girls like me. When I first started I was infatuated with the term 'mistress' and the history behind it. I think I still may be, but I've learned to accept being called many other things along the way.

This is my place to share the crazy, funny, and sad things that have happened since I first started seeing men for money. Hopefully someone will think it's as interesting as I do!