More Hair

I got a comment on the last post saying they thought I was going somewhere else with the title. I actually had intended to eventually address the 'other' hair issue, but now seems like a good enough time!

And if you don't know what I mean by the 'other' hair issue, then you're a) an idiot, b) too young to be reading this, or c) on the wrong blog.

This has been something that I was forced to make a conscious decision about not too long ago. I had gone through the majority of my (post-pubescent) life bald down there, and completely happy about that fact. I never had any complaints... until I started seeing a certain SD.

This SD really hated it, and wanted me to let at least a little (and preferably a lot) grow out. I tried. I really really did. But I hated it. To me, it just feels uncomfortable, plus so many of my lingerie sets simply look ridiculous with hair!

So, I went back to bald, and haven't regretted it for a minute. It's what's in style right now (look at any porno or lad mag), it's most comfortable, and it's the safe bet. The majority of guys at the least won't mind having no hair to deal with, and lots will actually like it, a lot.

So, go shave or make an appointment with your local waxing salon.

Hairy Issues

A bit more of my personal advice to other SBs. Take it for what it is, and if you disagree I would love to know why!

I already mentioned by thoughts on an SBs wardrobe. Now let's talk about more permanent image things. Of course, there is an SD for any type of SB, but this is what has worked for me and I think it's pretty 'mainstream,' or at least as mainstream as you can get in the sugar world!

I have pretty long hair. I have kept my hair long because men seem to like long hair. Like any college student experimenting with their identity, there have been times I've wanted some trendy cut. But I haven't let myself give in.

I did recently cut it a bit shorter. This is for very similar reasons as to why I kept it long. I am entering the professional work force, and long wavy hair looks young. Just as I had long hair to perpetuate the SB/SD image, I have now changed my look to encourage my image as a young professional.

This has a lot to do with girl style vs guy style. Girl style might be that Carey Mulligan pixie cut (by the way, how good is 'An Education?'), but most guys just won't get it. Long, flowy hair is in. Just ask all the celebs who get extensions!

I'm Well Rounded

Not in the physical sense, although I'm not a stick either...

What I'm getting at is that SBs shouldn't just coast on youth and looks (and being female!). Are there SDs out there that are only looking for that? Sure. Are they the type I'm looking for? Nope.

The SD I'm looking for appreciates the fact that I have more to offer than perhaps the average SB. I think all SBs should cultivate themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. But, I work hard to be more than just a pretty picture.

I am not just a sugar baby. I am in a pre-professional program at a good university. I am a subscriber to The Economist. I write poetry. I am a runner. I am a great big sister. I belong to a greek organization on campus. I speak another language. I am studying abroad soon at a prestigious European university.

Add it all together (and more!) and I'm a catch, in the sugar world and in romantic relationships. I think (or hope!) that more and more men are looking for women who have the whole package. Smarts and beauty. And the guys who only want the physical? There are lots of other girls who only fulfill that requirement. Keep moving!

Cereal Girl

I've already talked (here and here) a little about what may have lead me to become an SB... but here's another possibility.

I have always loved the Madonna song 'Material Girl,' ever since I first heard it, albeit in a parody form. I wasn't exactly allowed to listen to Madonna back when she was first coming out, except in forms like the video below.

If you weren't watching Sesame Street in the late 80's/early 90's, you have to see this!



'Cereal Girl' was one of my all-time favorite Sesame Street songs. I used to love, and still do deep down, the muppet girl's hair. And just check out her pearls...

So perhaps it was Sesame Street that got me on the road to being an SB!

SB Fashion

Over the (omg, has it really been that long?) four years since I first entered the sugar world, I've had to pick up some tricks in order to stay on top of my game. I realize looking back over this blog that a lot of my posts are about what an SD should and shouldn't do, so I've decided to start speaking to my sisters in sugar.

So, we're starting with clothing. I'm no fashionista, but I do love and respect clothes and the power they have.

As SBs, our goal is to attract men. We want them to be thinking about us naked, thinking about how much fun they could be having with us. However, we don't want to broadcast that to the rest of the world.

My SB 'uniform' of sorts is a J Crew v-neck cashmere sweater, dark wash jeans, and pointy-toed kitten heels. Heels are a must, for the sound they make on the floor and the general polish they give to a look. I'm tall, so I stick with kitten heels so as not to be intimidating.

If this isn't a first meeting, then the point of the outfit should be that it is sexy, but not overly so, and easy to take off while still looking sexy. Lots of layers or buttons and too tight jeans don't come off in a sexy way. I test an outfit by watching myself take it off in the mirror to see if I look ridiculous. A thin sweater is ideal.

I have in the past been a bit more 'business casual,' depending on what the SD needed, as far as discretion goes. In those cases I lean towards a nice shell and cardigan with black or gray dress pants. J Crew, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic are all good.

Accessories should be kept to a minimum. I have a pretty big bag that I like. It's nice to have room for a pair of flip flops for the walk home or other little things.

Also, a word on girl style versus guy style. That cute shirt dress, those ankle boots? That's girl style. A v-neck tee, tight jeans? That's guy style. An SB needs to dress for guy style. This means low cut, accentuates the waist, flattering clothes. Girl style is trendy and often not very figure-flattering. Save that for going to school or shopping. Guys just don't get leggings or chunky necklaces, even if they are the hot new thing!

The Age Gap

As my tag-line reads, my SDs have all been at a minimum twice my age. It has spoiled me a bit, and now even in my dating life I can't stand the boys my age. I go up at least five years before I even consider a guy.

I've become comfortable around older men. Perhaps even more comfortable than I am with younger men. I'm not talking about men my grandfather's age, or really even my father's age, but men in their 40s or so.

But now I have a new potential who falls outside of that range. A new potential who is intelligent, witty, attractive, and an all around nice guy.

He's 32.

And I honestly see that as a drawback. Strangely enough, I feel less comfortable than if he were 42 or 52. I know what those men want and expect (or I like to think I do!). With this potential, I feel off-balance.

He's young enough to fall into my dating pool, and I think that may be what is most off-putting for me. I want to like my SD, but I don't want to have to worry about it becoming more, emotionally for me.

What's a good SB to do? Be careful, like with everything else in this crazy world!

Hotels do's and don'ts

Hotels become a routine with certain SB/SD arrangements. I've stayed in my fair share of 5-star hotels, but I did my best not to lose my sense of awe at the general opulence and sparkle that they all seem to have. I did however hide my awe as best I could.

For an SB, staying under the radar is key. I often reserved a room just for the day rate, which is a dead giveaway that something unusual is going down for the staff. I've gotten some amused looks and winks, as well as some glares.

Staying under the radar reduces the glares, I've found. I always arrive before my SD and simply text him the room number. This prevents awkwardness at the check-in desk, or at least minimizes it.

Always, and I mean always, put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door, especially if you do the day-rate. The middle of the day is when the rooms are all being cleaned, and those cleaning ladies have keys. It's not fun to be walked in on, or have to get up in the middle of getting down to shoo them away. And I've had both happen to me!

Another tip to to dress conservatively. If you're getting there before your SD then you'll have plenty of time to change or take off layers, but this helps prevent the glares.

Finally, calling to make the reservation can be awkward, but doing it online usually means that you can't get a day-rate and you'll probably pay more. I really like Hilton. There are a lot of them in any big city, and often if your first choice doesn't have a day-rate room available the person on the phone will offer you another hotel nearby, at a slight discount for the inconvenience, of course!

Varying degrees of SBs

There are different types of SBs for all different types of SDs needs!

There are the girls who go to events, dinners, parties, and then back to the SDs condo for some fun.

Then the girls who meet in the middle of the day at different hotels with their married SDs. Ordering in room service and chatting on the bed before getting down to bid-ness. ;)

Or there are the girls who meet their SDs in private, at their place, at his place, or at a hotel for some quick fun.

I think all of these variations can be called an SB, and they often blend together based on different factors. At different points I've been a different type! I prefer the second option, but as I've gone farther in my college career that has become increasingly difficult. It is usually the most in-demand type, from what I've seen.

Another type is the travel SB, who either travels because her SD lives far away, or goes along with him on trips for business and pleasure. I've only done this a couple of times, but boy is it fun!

A little too close for comfort

Another story from my past...

I met up with a potential for a quick Starbucks meeting. He was a little late, but had a good excuse, so I let it go. He was charming, witty, handsome, and we had a lot in common. What more could I ask for?

Well, it turns out we had a LOT in common.

I had friends who were alums of his children's grade school. We worked in the same industry. In fact, he knew my boss.

We both played it cool. I think he knew that he had more to lose than I did, but it still scared me! He kept pointing out how the whole '5-degrees of separation' thing clearly was more like 1-degree for us.

He pursued me after the first date, but I sent him a quick email saying it simply wasn't a good fit.

It's amazing how a big city can actually be ridiculously small when you narrow it down to certain circles. A bit scary, to be honest. I now always ask specific questions about a potentials career and stay away from anyone too close to mine!

Mr M is over

Well, that was short!

I won't be seeing Mr M again. My decision, completely.

I've realized that his shortcomings as an SD are just too many for me to overlook. He's a bit outside my normal age range, he wants to be very public about being an SD, and just in general I wasn't comfortable with him.

I did go meet him in his city and we had a pretty fun day together. In general he managed to keep his hands to himself in public, but it felt like a constant battle. That's just really not fun for me to have to deal with all day.

He also expressed some beliefs and views that I absolutely do not share. He's a bit of a racist, to be honest. I found it distasteful.

He also is very into calling me his 'baby' or his 'little girl.' That just creeps me out.

Nothing sexual happened, and we parted on good terms. I informed him that I wouldn't be seeing him again once I got home, but I made sure never to lie to him throughout the day. I did have fun during parts of the day, and he certainly was interesting to talk with!

I'm glad that I went to visit him. It was a good learning experience and it was nice to visit his city. I am sorry that he didn't have as much potential as I thought he did, but without spending that time with him I couldn't have known.

Where's the Line?

I mentioned last week that I'm not a fan of being public with my sd/sb relationships. But where exactly is the line? Clearly I want to spend some time in public with an SD, especially while he's just a potential.

I love going out to nice restaurants. One of my favorite places to eat is at the Four Seasons. And, obviously, this is always done with an SD.

I think the line gets drawn when people around us know that we're sexually involved.

For a while I thought that outside of my city, or even outside of my country, I wouldn't care. That's been put to the test and now I can officially say that it doesn't matter what continent, I don't like when random people walking by or sitting next to me know that I'm fucking a guy twice my age.

So, how do you keep people from guessing? Keep the conversation away from anything related to sex, and even if it's our first time meeting pretend like we know each other a little. No physical contact (hand on leg, holding hands) should occur.

There are lots of SBs out there who would be happy to have an SD parade them around town. I'm not one of them, so if that's what a potential wants I have to wish him the best and move on. Oh well!

Flying High!!

I love flying.

I have always always loved flying.

And so... I love flying to see SDs. Obviously!

Pros: flying!!!, Nearly always Business Class/First Class, I'm flying, peanuts, flying, the views from up high, getting to fly, takeoff, flying, landing, I'm flying, turbulence, frequent flying miles, pretzels, Canada Dry.... and flying!

Cons: um, none.

However, I don't fly to meet SDs for a first meeting.

Just fyi.

In the mean time...

Although C is clearly my preference, I have met with another potential and will probably keep him around for a while. Mr M is perfectly nice, almost too nice.

I'll explain by telling you about our first meeting. He was in town last week, so I made some time to see him after work one day. We met at the bar of the posh hotel he was staying in. He hugged me right off, and was in general a bit more 'touchy-feely' than I like to be in public. That rule goes for boyfriends and SDs alike. I'm not a huge fan of lots of arm touching or hand holding, and kissing is absolutely verboten. If I'm in public with an SD, the general population should not automatically wonder if we're fucking each other.

He has had four previous arrangements over the past ten years or so. To me that means that he probably has a very specific idea of what his SB should be, and what he expects from the arrangement. That can be great - if it matches with what I'm looking for.

I think in general he is a match, except for his desired level of privacy. Despite not being ashamed or guilty or anything like that about being an SB, I don't like for the general public to know about it. Mr M doesn't seem to care if the people sitting next to us at a restaurant figure it out or not.... actually, I think he might want them to figure it out. With the age difference hovering right around 30+ years, I'm really uncomfortable with that.

But, he's a huge sweetheart. He brought me chocolates, and insisted on calling a car for me (not a cab, a chauffeured car). So, one of these weekends soon I will be making the short flight to see him on his home turf. I'm looking forward to it and not at the same time. C is still my priority, but Mr M is a good alternative should C end up falling through, as so many great potentials do!

A Little More About C

My favorite current potential will be flying into town in a couple of weeks! I'm really excited to meet him finally and see if we work well together. He's coming out here for business, so I feel a lot less pressure. I've had a couple of potentials in the past fly in just to see me, so it's nice that he has something else to occupy him during the day.

I'm very excited about this potential. He's quite attractive and when we've spoken on the phone I've felt very comfortable with him. He's intelligent and we have a lot of similar interests. It's always nice to find someone I can have a conversation with about an article in the Wall Street Journal or New York Times.

We've already worked out the general details of how our arrangement would work, right down to which flights are best. I would fly out to visit him every other weekend Friday night after my internship, then take the red-eye back home Sunday night/Monday morning. He will be doing business in my city a bit more often, and will probably visit once a month.

He's done this before, with another college student. She also had to fly in to see him. He's a busy guy, so he assured me that when I visit him I will probably spend a lot of the time alone in his house while he is working. Perfect for me to be able to keep up on schoolwork.

All in all, I really hope when we meet everything is as perfect as it seems on paper!

Chicken or the Egg?

I think a lot of girls have the seeds of becoming a sugar baby already in them just from our culture and media.

One of my favorite movies is 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.' It's a great movie, with some pretty clear sugar baby overtones. Another standout (and another Marilyn movie!) is 'How to Marry a Millionaire.'

It is unbelievably common in movies for an older guy to be with a younger girl. It's only commented on if the age difference is more than 20 years! Another classic movie is 'Sabrina' with Audrey Hepburn. She ends up with Linus, played by Humphrey Bogart, who is clearly quite older than her.

My mother, who delighted in ruining movies, would often point this out to me. She tried to teach me that it was unnatural. She thought that these old men in movies got the hot young girls because old men financed the movies and wanted to see that. She refused to watch The Drew Carey Show because he was a fat, ugly, older guy who had a fairly attractive girlfriend.

Truth is, I think this is a lot more common than my mother, and many other women, would like to admit. I see it all the time, walking down the street in the city. Perhaps not quite as extreme as in movies and on TV (but everything is more extreme in movies). A really hot girl with a guy who has a bit of a beer gut. A 25 year old marrying a 35 year old.

I don't find myself attracted at all to guys my own age anymore. Perhaps that comes from being a SB, or perhaps that's why being an SB appealed to me. Chicken or the egg?

And can I just point out that Marge is way too hot for Homer? What is it that he brings to that relationship, really? I don't really see any redeeming qualities!

Baby Steps

I often get asked by potentials how I even thought up being an SB. How did the idea enter into my pretty little head? It's actually a rather interesting story, although this certainly isn't what I tell potentials. Not that I advocate lying... but that's a whole other topic!

It was a confluence of events. Of course, Belle de Jour had already planted the seeds of sex for pay in my mind back in high school. I had a glamorized vision of being a prostitute. Granted, Belle was very lucky, very high end, and worked in England where the legal situation is quite different.

When I first started college I thought about selling/donating my eggs to an infertile couple. I'm quite the catch as far as egg donors go apparently, but as I mentioned before , I absolutely refuse to inflict any unnecessary pain on myself, so twice daily injections for a couple of months wasn't in the cards.

I knew I wanted extra cash though. I'd always been the girl in the middle, with never as much cool stuff as my wealthy friends, although I certainly wasn't poor. I was sick of that. I wanted Hermes. I wanted a nicer ipod. Hell, I just wanted to be able to buy songs on itunes and not illegally download them!

For a women's studies class I took I wrote a paper on the history of concubines in China, compared to the recent uptick in the number of sugar babies there. In the past couple of years there have been a couple of high profile cases of wealthy men and their young, attractive girlfriends. I found the topic fascinating.

So it became my new favorite fantasy. At first I didn't put myself into the role, but slowly I started seeing myself as a girlfriend to a wealthy man.

But how does one meet a wealthy guy, let alone make it clear to him that this 19 year old college student is interested in him? I went to the internet for answers, of course!

And that's how I stumbled across the sites, eventually signing up for one... and the rest is history! Nearly four years later, and I am still happy to be meeting potentials and crossing my fingers that this one is my perfect SD!

Should Have Known Better

I got a message from a guy which just restated the one sentence in his profile. 'I would like to meet someone interesting and attractive.' He only added his personal email address and 'You're really cute. I'm very interested.'

I know better, but I emailed him. Sent another picture, asked him about his profession.

He responds...'Nice, B cup, right?'

Yeah, that's it.

I politely responded back in one sentence letting him know that I was flattered, but would not be continuing the conversation.

Wow.

Oldie, but a Goodie

I'm not using Craigslist this time around. I didn't have any luck there before, so I decided to leave it out of the mix of sites I'm using this time.

My main problem with Craigslist is that you only get the information the SD wants to provide. Often it is only a line or two saying what they want in their SB, and very little or nothing about themselves.

Obviously, this is the internet so anything anyone posts can be false, but even lies tell me something about a potential! Plus, I like to know things like age and height. I do need a certain level of attraction before I seriously consider someone. If you are far out of my age range, then why waste your time and mine?

This time around I'm back with the first site I ever logged into, as well as a new one. The new one I had never even noticed before (and I've checked out a lot of SD sites!). I'm not too optimistic about my chances of finding anyone on that site, but it doesn't hurt. On the old site I immediately had 5 or 6 guys who I've vetted before contact me. I very politely told them that I still wasn't interested, but it was sweet that they messaged me.

My System

When an SB first signs up on a site, she can expect to be inundated with emails (so long as her profile isn't embarrassingly bad). Perhaps this is true for SD's as well, I wouldn't know. I had to start a system to keep track of potentials until I narrow the field down to a manageable level.

I use note cards. Each potential gets a note card. His name, age, height, income, etc go on the card. I leave space at the bottom for notes. For example 'likes to ski,' 'corporate lawyer,' or 'travels to the city 2-3 times a month.' Just a little something to jog my memory.

My current front-runner note cards are...

C., L.A., > $1mil, 6', 45 years, single. Note: PhD level education
A., D.C., >$1mil, 6'3", 40 years, single. Note: works in Finance
J., Chicago, >$1mil, 6', 52 years, married. Note: law degree

On the back I keep track of who contacted who, what date, and what form (email, phone).

So far I'm really liking my potentials. We'll just have to see who breaks away from the pack!

From My Diary Part 2

Con't...

'J was just walking up to the entrance of the bar as I came from the other direction. We had an awkward moment of just staring at each other, and then we introduced ourselves, shaking hands. He's tall, fit, and far more handsome than I thought from his photo!

The bar was elegant and dark. One side was a traditional bar, but most of the room was plush chairs around tables and leather couches around a grand fireplace. He ordered a beer and I got an iced tea. He asked me a couple of questions about school, and I asked him about the trip he was leaving for later that afternoon.

He started talking about his job in finance and that carried the conversation until it was almost time to leave. He explained to me how he went from rich to uber-rich by making a risky investment about five years ago. It was science related, and he glossed over the technical aspects of it. I felt a bit insulted because he seemed to assume that I wouldn't understand even basic scientific principles. We can't all go to an Ivy League school!

We finally got to the real subject.

He said he only wants one girl. He's never done this before, and he wants me to be exclusive. I made sure to say that I don't need the money, that it's more about fun and excitement for me. He wants to 'help' someone, so I played up my tuition costs.

Once we decided to leave it got awkward again. We talked about how nice the hotel is on the way out and in the elevator.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him again!'

...
So there you have it! J was my second SD experience, after M. I knew a bit more, but still honestly had no clue what I was doing. Hopefully that just came off as endearing and not stupid to the guys!