More Hair

I got a comment on the last post saying they thought I was going somewhere else with the title. I actually had intended to eventually address the 'other' hair issue, but now seems like a good enough time!

And if you don't know what I mean by the 'other' hair issue, then you're a) an idiot, b) too young to be reading this, or c) on the wrong blog.

This has been something that I was forced to make a conscious decision about not too long ago. I had gone through the majority of my (post-pubescent) life bald down there, and completely happy about that fact. I never had any complaints... until I started seeing a certain SD.

This SD really hated it, and wanted me to let at least a little (and preferably a lot) grow out. I tried. I really really did. But I hated it. To me, it just feels uncomfortable, plus so many of my lingerie sets simply look ridiculous with hair!

So, I went back to bald, and haven't regretted it for a minute. It's what's in style right now (look at any porno or lad mag), it's most comfortable, and it's the safe bet. The majority of guys at the least won't mind having no hair to deal with, and lots will actually like it, a lot.

So, go shave or make an appointment with your local waxing salon.

Hairy Issues

A bit more of my personal advice to other SBs. Take it for what it is, and if you disagree I would love to know why!

I already mentioned by thoughts on an SBs wardrobe. Now let's talk about more permanent image things. Of course, there is an SD for any type of SB, but this is what has worked for me and I think it's pretty 'mainstream,' or at least as mainstream as you can get in the sugar world!

I have pretty long hair. I have kept my hair long because men seem to like long hair. Like any college student experimenting with their identity, there have been times I've wanted some trendy cut. But I haven't let myself give in.

I did recently cut it a bit shorter. This is for very similar reasons as to why I kept it long. I am entering the professional work force, and long wavy hair looks young. Just as I had long hair to perpetuate the SB/SD image, I have now changed my look to encourage my image as a young professional.

This has a lot to do with girl style vs guy style. Girl style might be that Carey Mulligan pixie cut (by the way, how good is 'An Education?'), but most guys just won't get it. Long, flowy hair is in. Just ask all the celebs who get extensions!

I'm Well Rounded

Not in the physical sense, although I'm not a stick either...

What I'm getting at is that SBs shouldn't just coast on youth and looks (and being female!). Are there SDs out there that are only looking for that? Sure. Are they the type I'm looking for? Nope.

The SD I'm looking for appreciates the fact that I have more to offer than perhaps the average SB. I think all SBs should cultivate themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. But, I work hard to be more than just a pretty picture.

I am not just a sugar baby. I am in a pre-professional program at a good university. I am a subscriber to The Economist. I write poetry. I am a runner. I am a great big sister. I belong to a greek organization on campus. I speak another language. I am studying abroad soon at a prestigious European university.

Add it all together (and more!) and I'm a catch, in the sugar world and in romantic relationships. I think (or hope!) that more and more men are looking for women who have the whole package. Smarts and beauty. And the guys who only want the physical? There are lots of other girls who only fulfill that requirement. Keep moving!

SB Fashion

Over the (omg, has it really been that long?) four years since I first entered the sugar world, I've had to pick up some tricks in order to stay on top of my game. I realize looking back over this blog that a lot of my posts are about what an SD should and shouldn't do, so I've decided to start speaking to my sisters in sugar.

So, we're starting with clothing. I'm no fashionista, but I do love and respect clothes and the power they have.

As SBs, our goal is to attract men. We want them to be thinking about us naked, thinking about how much fun they could be having with us. However, we don't want to broadcast that to the rest of the world.

My SB 'uniform' of sorts is a J Crew v-neck cashmere sweater, dark wash jeans, and pointy-toed kitten heels. Heels are a must, for the sound they make on the floor and the general polish they give to a look. I'm tall, so I stick with kitten heels so as not to be intimidating.

If this isn't a first meeting, then the point of the outfit should be that it is sexy, but not overly so, and easy to take off while still looking sexy. Lots of layers or buttons and too tight jeans don't come off in a sexy way. I test an outfit by watching myself take it off in the mirror to see if I look ridiculous. A thin sweater is ideal.

I have in the past been a bit more 'business casual,' depending on what the SD needed, as far as discretion goes. In those cases I lean towards a nice shell and cardigan with black or gray dress pants. J Crew, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic are all good.

Accessories should be kept to a minimum. I have a pretty big bag that I like. It's nice to have room for a pair of flip flops for the walk home or other little things.

Also, a word on girl style versus guy style. That cute shirt dress, those ankle boots? That's girl style. A v-neck tee, tight jeans? That's guy style. An SB needs to dress for guy style. This means low cut, accentuates the waist, flattering clothes. Girl style is trendy and often not very figure-flattering. Save that for going to school or shopping. Guys just don't get leggings or chunky necklaces, even if they are the hot new thing!

Hotels do's and don'ts

Hotels become a routine with certain SB/SD arrangements. I've stayed in my fair share of 5-star hotels, but I did my best not to lose my sense of awe at the general opulence and sparkle that they all seem to have. I did however hide my awe as best I could.

For an SB, staying under the radar is key. I often reserved a room just for the day rate, which is a dead giveaway that something unusual is going down for the staff. I've gotten some amused looks and winks, as well as some glares.

Staying under the radar reduces the glares, I've found. I always arrive before my SD and simply text him the room number. This prevents awkwardness at the check-in desk, or at least minimizes it.

Always, and I mean always, put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door, especially if you do the day-rate. The middle of the day is when the rooms are all being cleaned, and those cleaning ladies have keys. It's not fun to be walked in on, or have to get up in the middle of getting down to shoo them away. And I've had both happen to me!

Another tip to to dress conservatively. If you're getting there before your SD then you'll have plenty of time to change or take off layers, but this helps prevent the glares.

Finally, calling to make the reservation can be awkward, but doing it online usually means that you can't get a day-rate and you'll probably pay more. I really like Hilton. There are a lot of them in any big city, and often if your first choice doesn't have a day-rate room available the person on the phone will offer you another hotel nearby, at a slight discount for the inconvenience, of course!

Varying degrees of SBs

There are different types of SBs for all different types of SDs needs!

There are the girls who go to events, dinners, parties, and then back to the SDs condo for some fun.

Then the girls who meet in the middle of the day at different hotels with their married SDs. Ordering in room service and chatting on the bed before getting down to bid-ness. ;)

Or there are the girls who meet their SDs in private, at their place, at his place, or at a hotel for some quick fun.

I think all of these variations can be called an SB, and they often blend together based on different factors. At different points I've been a different type! I prefer the second option, but as I've gone farther in my college career that has become increasingly difficult. It is usually the most in-demand type, from what I've seen.

Another type is the travel SB, who either travels because her SD lives far away, or goes along with him on trips for business and pleasure. I've only done this a couple of times, but boy is it fun!

A little too close for comfort

Another story from my past...

I met up with a potential for a quick Starbucks meeting. He was a little late, but had a good excuse, so I let it go. He was charming, witty, handsome, and we had a lot in common. What more could I ask for?

Well, it turns out we had a LOT in common.

I had friends who were alums of his children's grade school. We worked in the same industry. In fact, he knew my boss.

We both played it cool. I think he knew that he had more to lose than I did, but it still scared me! He kept pointing out how the whole '5-degrees of separation' thing clearly was more like 1-degree for us.

He pursued me after the first date, but I sent him a quick email saying it simply wasn't a good fit.

It's amazing how a big city can actually be ridiculously small when you narrow it down to certain circles. A bit scary, to be honest. I now always ask specific questions about a potentials career and stay away from anyone too close to mine!

Money Honey

So, I had a great question from Allie (hope it's ok to link to you!). She asked just what the financials of this sort of arrangement are.

I have two answers, one is from my personal experience, and the other is pure hearsay.

Personally, I've the top range I've experienced was over $5,000 a months. Every time I saw him, he had an envelope with $1,000 in cash and he paid a couple of my bills. We normally saw each other 2-3 times a month for an hour or two on his lunch break at a nice hotel.

My average though has been around $2,000 or $3,000 a month. Granted, I have a limited schedule, and that really affects how much a potential is willing to shell out!

From what I've had potentials offer, it seems the average is less than that. Most guys on the sites see it as 'bulk-buy' prostitution (as I've mentioned before). Very often they talk about picking up a bill or two, which usually means less than $1,000 a month.

Now, for the hearsay part. From talking with a couple of girls and from what I see posted on the sites, I think I've been pretty lucky. Very few girls get less than the couple of bills paid that I mentioned before. In fact, very few girls seem to get to the stage where bills are being paid. To start, most SDs just give an envelope with whatever until they feel more comfortable that this will be a longer-term arrangement.

Also, location has a lot to do with it. I live in a big city, and so there are more SDs and I can afford to be picky. If a girl lives in a less populated area and can't travel much then she won't have many options.

Where's the Line?

I mentioned last week that I'm not a fan of being public with my sd/sb relationships. But where exactly is the line? Clearly I want to spend some time in public with an SD, especially while he's just a potential.

I love going out to nice restaurants. One of my favorite places to eat is at the Four Seasons. And, obviously, this is always done with an SD.

I think the line gets drawn when people around us know that we're sexually involved.

For a while I thought that outside of my city, or even outside of my country, I wouldn't care. That's been put to the test and now I can officially say that it doesn't matter what continent, I don't like when random people walking by or sitting next to me know that I'm fucking a guy twice my age.

So, how do you keep people from guessing? Keep the conversation away from anything related to sex, and even if it's our first time meeting pretend like we know each other a little. No physical contact (hand on leg, holding hands) should occur.

There are lots of SBs out there who would be happy to have an SD parade them around town. I'm not one of them, so if that's what a potential wants I have to wish him the best and move on. Oh well!

Flying High!!

I love flying.

I have always always loved flying.

And so... I love flying to see SDs. Obviously!

Pros: flying!!!, Nearly always Business Class/First Class, I'm flying, peanuts, flying, the views from up high, getting to fly, takeoff, flying, landing, I'm flying, turbulence, frequent flying miles, pretzels, Canada Dry.... and flying!

Cons: um, none.

However, I don't fly to meet SDs for a first meeting.

Just fyi.

Private Lives, Public Consequences?

I'm facing a dilemma.

Mr M is divorced. He has two other friends who have SBs, and as I said before he has had a couple of SBs of his own in the past couple of years.

I'm far more used to married SDs. In fact, with only one exception, every potential I've ever meet even just for a quick coffee has been married.

I realize now that this wasn't just a coincidence.

Married guys value their privacy. They have far more at risk than I do. Their family lives and even careers could be ruined by a run-in with someone they know while with their SB. This means that those sorts of arrangements, besides an occasional meal out, take place completely in private.

That is not Mr M's style.

He wants a girl to flaunt. He wants to go shopping and to the theatre. And while we're there he wants to make it clear to everyone that we are sexually involved.

That is not my style.

Let me be clear here, I am not ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise mortified by being an SB. When I am alone with my thoughts I am not disturbed at all by being an SB, in fact I really enjoy looking back on my experiences so far.

I don't have a problem being with an SD in public, I have a problem with an SD groping me and saying inappropriate things to me in public. I guess I was only meant for married SDs!

So, Mr M and I will be having a little chat next weekend when I fly to visit him. We will not be going shopping at Victoria's Secret together. We will not be going to ballet. We will be staying at his beautiful condo so I can cook a wonderful dinner and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. Unless he learns to keep his hands to himself in public, this is how it will be.

Should Have Known Better

I got a message from a guy which just restated the one sentence in his profile. 'I would like to meet someone interesting and attractive.' He only added his personal email address and 'You're really cute. I'm very interested.'

I know better, but I emailed him. Sent another picture, asked him about his profession.

He responds...'Nice, B cup, right?'

Yeah, that's it.

I politely responded back in one sentence letting him know that I was flattered, but would not be continuing the conversation.

Wow.

Oldie, but a Goodie

I'm not using Craigslist this time around. I didn't have any luck there before, so I decided to leave it out of the mix of sites I'm using this time.

My main problem with Craigslist is that you only get the information the SD wants to provide. Often it is only a line or two saying what they want in their SB, and very little or nothing about themselves.

Obviously, this is the internet so anything anyone posts can be false, but even lies tell me something about a potential! Plus, I like to know things like age and height. I do need a certain level of attraction before I seriously consider someone. If you are far out of my age range, then why waste your time and mine?

This time around I'm back with the first site I ever logged into, as well as a new one. The new one I had never even noticed before (and I've checked out a lot of SD sites!). I'm not too optimistic about my chances of finding anyone on that site, but it doesn't hurt. On the old site I immediately had 5 or 6 guys who I've vetted before contact me. I very politely told them that I still wasn't interested, but it was sweet that they messaged me.

My System

When an SB first signs up on a site, she can expect to be inundated with emails (so long as her profile isn't embarrassingly bad). Perhaps this is true for SD's as well, I wouldn't know. I had to start a system to keep track of potentials until I narrow the field down to a manageable level.

I use note cards. Each potential gets a note card. His name, age, height, income, etc go on the card. I leave space at the bottom for notes. For example 'likes to ski,' 'corporate lawyer,' or 'travels to the city 2-3 times a month.' Just a little something to jog my memory.

My current front-runner note cards are...

C., L.A., > $1mil, 6', 45 years, single. Note: PhD level education
A., D.C., >$1mil, 6'3", 40 years, single. Note: works in Finance
J., Chicago, >$1mil, 6', 52 years, married. Note: law degree

On the back I keep track of who contacted who, what date, and what form (email, phone).

So far I'm really liking my potentials. We'll just have to see who breaks away from the pack!

Costco for Excorts

Some potentials seem to see a sugar baby as a way to spend less money than what they currently do on escorts. I often want to send these men links to local escort ads in response, but I've always resisted the urge.

For example, Mr Z sent me an email letting me know that he was willing to give me $2000 a month in return for being exclusive and meeting at least three times a week. He filled his message with a lot of explanations, chiefly that $2000 a month is more than a lot of people make working 40 hours a week.

I had some major issues with Mr Z. Firstly, his profile was woefully inadequate, addressing only what race of woman he was looking for and that he is a very good lover.

Secondly, $2000 a month at a 40 hour a week job is $12.50 an hour. I really think that saying 'a lot' of people was an overstatement, especially considering I make more than that at my part-time job.

Thirdly, he clearly falls into the Costco Sugar Daddy group. Three times a week would mean approx. $165 per meeting. From my quick surfing of craigslist that seems to be the going rate for an hour with any of the beautiful ladies on there.

Mr Z is not alone in seeing a Sugar Baby as a budget escort. I want to explain to all of them their folly, but instead I bite my tongue and delete their emails before my resolve wilts away.

Sorry guys, but you can't save money buy bulk-buying your hours with an escort and calling her a sugar baby. At least not with any of the smart ones.

Children and Babies

I've had SDs who want to talk about their kids and others who avoid the topic as much as possible. It may be weird, but I like to hear about the children! It can be uncomfortable at first.

Once an SD told me that his three kids were home from school because they had a free day. I felt bad that I was taking their dad away from them. Then I remember I wasn't taking him away from them, I was taking him away from his office. He wouldn't have been home even if I didn't exist.

I think it's because I just love kids in general. I can't wait to have my own. Well, actually I can because I am NOT at the right point in my life, but I look forward to when I am ready.

SDs have told me all sorts of things about their kids. I think they feel more comfortable saying how they really feel. I've heard fathers proclaim favorites, and admit that perhaps little Junior isn't going to be a rocket scientist after all. Everything that has ever been said to me regarding children has been said with love behind every word.

On a slightly different note, it's never happened to me, but I have heard of girls being propositioned by men on SD sites looking to impregnate them. I think that's very weird, and way beyond my comfort level!

In Honor of the Holiday...

We shall be discussing drinking and SDs. How much, when, and where!

I see nothing wrong with drinking with an SD. Infact, more than half of my first meetings have been at bars or similar places. A glass of wine or a Cosmo seems to be the best way to go.

My very first meeting I got a little too tipsy. I wasn't drunk, but I also wasn't fully aware of what was going on. I said things I shouldn't have, and I ended up back at his place and in a very awkward and dangerous situation. Thank god he turned out to be a good guy!

So drinking is ok, but drinking St Patties Day style is not!

Wine I think is preferable to any other drink simply because it is seen as feminine, and if he (and you!) know anything about wine it's a good topic. If you don't know anything about wine, try to at least learn some basics, like what types or reds you like, or even what a red is!

Having a drink is a great way to relax, for you and for him! Plus it gives you something to do with your hands! I never know what to do with my hands!

I'm a safety kinda gal

Safety is huge for me. If I get a funny feeling about a guy, I cancel. I avoid risks, because meeting SDs is risky, just like any type of online dating.

One guy who I was talking to set off some major alarm bells when we were setting up our first meeting. He asked if I wanted to meet at his condo for a drink before dinner. I said I preferred to meet at the restaurant instead. He seemed cool about it at first.

Then he starts telling me about how he thinks it's great when a girl is confident enough to just go over to a guys place before meeting him. He said he thought it showed that she was cool and really interested in him.

I was stunned. Personally, I think that any girl who does that is an idiot just asking for trouble. Clearly he doesn't actually intend to make it to dinner when he's already got you in his condo drinking wine.

I ended up canceling on him. He eventually agreed to meet me at the restaurant, but I still wasn't comfortable after having had that conversation with him. Also, he lived very close to me. Even though it's a big city, it still made me a bit nervous!

A Side Effect...

In an arrangement, I put up with all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't in a relationship.


I think that a side-effect of having arrangements is that I have become more accommodating in my relationships. When my boyfriend is late, I brush it off. When he calls me up and gives me no notice but wants to hang out, I go along with it. When he cancels our plans, or is distracted while we're watching a movie, I just laugh about it. I even have encouraged him to check his Blackberry while we're having dinner.

I never used to be like that.

It's the SD mindset. The man can't be wrong. Whatever he wants, I have to go along with it, whether I want to or not. And if I don't want to, or if he's annoying me, or if I'm pissed off, I never show it. I keep it all inside and pretend like everything is perfect.

Luckily for my current boyfriend, he gets away with it all because I honestly care for him. It doesn't matter if I'm mad while waiting for him because the second he kisses me hello, it melts away.

Maybe this means I'm building the relationship on a shaky foundation, but for now it's working, and in general he is a perfect gentleman.

That's another side effect, albeit a positive one. I am not attracted to assholes anymore. If you don't take care of me (paying for dinner, opening doors, giving me a ride home) I won't give you the time of day. I know that I am worth it now!

Expectations for First Meetings

'Expectations' might not be quite the right word, but it's close. I have general ideas on how a first meeting should go. These are flexible and are simply guidelines, but in general they fit.

I know a lot of girls expect a gift of some sort on the first meeting, but I never have expected that, and I never have received that. What I do expect is for the man to pay for whatever drink/food I order. This has never been an issue, as I think it's understood. Also, I would say 75% of the time the man offers to pay for my cab ride home. I usually accept this, and it's always nice to have it offered.

First meetings should never be too long. I would say anything over an hour and a half is too long. One man said he only had time for a quick meeting, and then we ended up sitting in the bar for three hours. Too long!

Topics of conversation should be like any first date, although when we first meet in the bar/restaurant/whatever I never say 'So nice to meet you' or anything like that. I wouldn't want the people around us to think anything other than innocent things about what we are up to. I do talk a bit about my background, but I keep it vague. I'm always surprised when men give me very intimate details of their lives, when they've only just met me!

In general, I'm here to see if we have any chemistry. Don't try too hard, it backfires. I'm also making sure that you are who you said you were online. Most importantly, I'm doing a gut check. Do you freak me out? Do I get a bad vibe? Do I feel that I could spend time with you and enjoy it?

That's it!