Private Lives, Public Consequences?

I'm facing a dilemma.

Mr M is divorced. He has two other friends who have SBs, and as I said before he has had a couple of SBs of his own in the past couple of years.

I'm far more used to married SDs. In fact, with only one exception, every potential I've ever meet even just for a quick coffee has been married.

I realize now that this wasn't just a coincidence.

Married guys value their privacy. They have far more at risk than I do. Their family lives and even careers could be ruined by a run-in with someone they know while with their SB. This means that those sorts of arrangements, besides an occasional meal out, take place completely in private.

That is not Mr M's style.

He wants a girl to flaunt. He wants to go shopping and to the theatre. And while we're there he wants to make it clear to everyone that we are sexually involved.

That is not my style.

Let me be clear here, I am not ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise mortified by being an SB. When I am alone with my thoughts I am not disturbed at all by being an SB, in fact I really enjoy looking back on my experiences so far.

I don't have a problem being with an SD in public, I have a problem with an SD groping me and saying inappropriate things to me in public. I guess I was only meant for married SDs!

So, Mr M and I will be having a little chat next weekend when I fly to visit him. We will not be going shopping at Victoria's Secret together. We will not be going to ballet. We will be staying at his beautiful condo so I can cook a wonderful dinner and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. Unless he learns to keep his hands to himself in public, this is how it will be.

My System

When an SB first signs up on a site, she can expect to be inundated with emails (so long as her profile isn't embarrassingly bad). Perhaps this is true for SD's as well, I wouldn't know. I had to start a system to keep track of potentials until I narrow the field down to a manageable level.

I use note cards. Each potential gets a note card. His name, age, height, income, etc go on the card. I leave space at the bottom for notes. For example 'likes to ski,' 'corporate lawyer,' or 'travels to the city 2-3 times a month.' Just a little something to jog my memory.

My current front-runner note cards are...

C., L.A., > $1mil, 6', 45 years, single. Note: PhD level education
A., D.C., >$1mil, 6'3", 40 years, single. Note: works in Finance
J., Chicago, >$1mil, 6', 52 years, married. Note: law degree

On the back I keep track of who contacted who, what date, and what form (email, phone).

So far I'm really liking my potentials. We'll just have to see who breaks away from the pack!

From My Diary Part 2

Con't...

'J was just walking up to the entrance of the bar as I came from the other direction. We had an awkward moment of just staring at each other, and then we introduced ourselves, shaking hands. He's tall, fit, and far more handsome than I thought from his photo!

The bar was elegant and dark. One side was a traditional bar, but most of the room was plush chairs around tables and leather couches around a grand fireplace. He ordered a beer and I got an iced tea. He asked me a couple of questions about school, and I asked him about the trip he was leaving for later that afternoon.

He started talking about his job in finance and that carried the conversation until it was almost time to leave. He explained to me how he went from rich to uber-rich by making a risky investment about five years ago. It was science related, and he glossed over the technical aspects of it. I felt a bit insulted because he seemed to assume that I wouldn't understand even basic scientific principles. We can't all go to an Ivy League school!

We finally got to the real subject.

He said he only wants one girl. He's never done this before, and he wants me to be exclusive. I made sure to say that I don't need the money, that it's more about fun and excitement for me. He wants to 'help' someone, so I played up my tuition costs.

Once we decided to leave it got awkward again. We talked about how nice the hotel is on the way out and in the elevator.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him again!'

...
So there you have it! J was my second SD experience, after M. I knew a bit more, but still honestly had no clue what I was doing. Hopefully that just came off as endearing and not stupid to the guys!

From My Diary

I've decided to do a direct post from my diary of the first time I met my favorite SD, J.

'So I met J yesterday, but before I talk about him I have to talk about the hotel where we met.

A doorman pushed the revolving door for me so I wouldn't even have to touch it! There was a small entryway, very dark, classy, where I walked up to the front desk. They directed me to a bank of elevators.

A bellman led me to the elevators, pushed the button for me, an said 'Have a good day' as the doors opened.

I stepped out into a grand hallway, which I followed to the Lobby. I was so nervous that everything seemed strange, blurry, distant. The lobby was a huge room 5-6 stories up, with an alcove tucked up a floor over the whole room with a cellist playing. A cellist! In the middle of the day! I'm still in awe of everything I saw.

J was no where to be seen, so I ducked into the ladies room. Even the towels looked luxurious. I texted him quickly, and he said he was only a minute away. I composed myself and walked out of the bathroom.'

I'll post more tomorrow! Just wanted to give a sense of what that moment right before feels like.

Children and Babies

I've had SDs who want to talk about their kids and others who avoid the topic as much as possible. It may be weird, but I like to hear about the children! It can be uncomfortable at first.

Once an SD told me that his three kids were home from school because they had a free day. I felt bad that I was taking their dad away from them. Then I remember I wasn't taking him away from them, I was taking him away from his office. He wouldn't have been home even if I didn't exist.

I think it's because I just love kids in general. I can't wait to have my own. Well, actually I can because I am NOT at the right point in my life, but I look forward to when I am ready.

SDs have told me all sorts of things about their kids. I think they feel more comfortable saying how they really feel. I've heard fathers proclaim favorites, and admit that perhaps little Junior isn't going to be a rocket scientist after all. Everything that has ever been said to me regarding children has been said with love behind every word.

On a slightly different note, it's never happened to me, but I have heard of girls being propositioned by men on SD sites looking to impregnate them. I think that's very weird, and way beyond my comfort level!

Married Men Tips and Tricks

With married SDs I really have to be careful. I don't mean that I have to worry about my safety. I have to worry about doing anything which might alert their wife to their extramarital activities.

The biggest rule is to never wear perfume! This is a dead give-away. This includes everything from my favorite Jo Malone spray to scented body lotion. I have found the greatest unscented lotion ever, and it sits next to my regular lotion ready for my married SD to call.

Another thing to be careful about is leaving any sort of mark during sex. I don't normally leave marks during sex, but it is still something to keep in mind!

Discretion is key. Most married SDs want to meet during the day at hotels (I don't bring SDs to my place). This means I book the hotel, I check in, and then I text him with the room number. All he has to do is knock on the door! When we leave, it's up to him how careful he wants to be. Some want to leave at seperate times, whereas with my one long-term SD we went down in the elevator together, but then seperated. I had to check out at the front desk, and he had to get his ass into a cab and back to work asap!

Texting is prefered over calling. He can get back to me whenever is most convienient for him. I also only call or text during work hours, and certainly never on weekends.

Married Men

Out of all the men I've talked with and met most were married. Of course, this means they were looking for an extramarital affair. They are cheaters.

I think for a lot of people this is the biggest problem they have with arrangements, the cheating. They want to know how I can do it, be the 'other woman' knowingly. How can I possibly condone infidelity?

My answer is simple, and unoriginal: I don't condone it but I do provide it.

I have no problem with seeing married men. In fact, I prefer them. They demand far less of my time, and have even more reason than I to be discrete. Single guys often want to show me off, and I'm not comfortable with that. Who knows who might be sitting in the booth next to us, or going to the same play?

The next question is always an inquiry to how I would handle this in my own life. I believe I am honest when I say that I wouldn't mind. I've had this conversation (theoretically only!) with friends, and they are always shocked that I wouldn't mind if my future husband cheated on me.

There are some restrictions though, and these are ones I follow in my SB life. The man cannot have real feelings for me, and everything is kept as discrete as possible. I only see men who say they are happy in their marriages.

My long-term SD was married, and he once confessed to me that he had been with a woman in his office a couple of years back. He was clearly feeling guilty about her, and probably about me too, so I quickly soothed him. He was much smarter being with me. He was having safe, protected sex. There were no possible complications. His wife would never know, and it left him able to go home at night in a better mood to kiss his wife on the cheek.

To many people cheating is cheating, no way around it, and that's fine. For me, all I care about is emotional cheating. Keep it just about sex and don't throw it in my face and we'll have a happy life!