I'm Sorry!

I love when men apologize after sex. OK, not really, because I never have any idea what to say. But afterwards, when I'm back home alone, I always have a good laugh over it. It's always for some perceived inability; not keeping it hard, not going long enough.

He's not an SD, but my current boyfriend apologized once for his lack of stamina...after going for 25 minutes! With him I actually laughed right then and there and told him just how silly he was being! Granted, he does normally go longer, but 25 minutes is certainly nothing to be ashamed of!

With an SD though I do find it a bit ridiculous. You should never feel the need to apologize for anything, let alone for something like that, where to be honest I usually am happy if you finish a little faster than normal.

One SD came after maybe 5-7 minutes and after he caught his breath apologized for it being so short. "Normally I can go a lot longer, but I had minor surgery on my throat this morning, and I think I am still a bit woozy from the meds." The fact that you were able to get it up at all should be a triumph! Don't apologize!!

And, of course, I mentioned earlier about Mr D, who apologized after his little bout of food poisoning-induced diarrhea caused us to have to call it quits. I still got money, and I got to bed a lot earlier than I had planned on! No complaints from my end!

The hardest part is what to say! I don't want to sound like I'm lying by over-doing it, but I also can't rightly say 'trust me honey, it wasn't doing much for me anyway.' I wish there was a perfect answer for this!

The Rules

I'd like to think I'm a pretty laid back kind of girl, but even I have a couple of simple, basic, easy-to-follow rules that every guy must comply with if he wants to set up a first meeting.

1. I must see a picture of you.
This is important for my own personal safety, and simply for general peace of mind. I do not have friends that I can talk to about this aspect of my life, so when I'm going to meet a potential for the first time I save his photo and general information in a Word document on the desktop of my laptop. If anything goes wrong, the cops are going to find you!
I also hate the feeling of going into a restaurant or coffee shop or bar and not having any clue as to who I am meeting. One man told me he thought it would amuse him to watch me try to figure out who he was in a Starbucks at noon. Yeah, it might be fun for you, and in general I'm all for playing games, but let's keep those games confined to the bedroom!

2. I must have your phone number
Lots of guys 'block' their phone number when they first call me. Again, this is just a simple safety issue.

3. We meet in a public place
Safety safety safety. I'm just a safety kind of girl! In general this has been either a bar or a restaurant. Coffee shops are fine, but I always prefer to have the meeting be around an hour long to really see if we have any chemistry, and who wants to sit in a crowded starbucks for an hour? Not me!

4. We are not going back to yours quite yet (sometimes)
I've broken this rule twice, and both times (Mr D included) I did not regret it, and both times it was because they flew into town just to see me.
In general though I think it is better (for me and for the potential) not to have any expectations of that type so we can spend the time seeing if we have chemistry.

With most potentials I never even have to mention my rules. Most are gentlemen and provide me with everything I could want to feel safe and comfortable when I am with them. I have never been in a situation where I did not feel safe with a potential or with an SD, and for that I am beyond thankful!

Stomach Ache

Possibly my funniest meeting occurred with a man I was meeting for the first time earlier this year. Let's call him Mr D. Mr D flew in to see me for the night, and was flying back out the next morning. He had regular business in my city, so it seemed like we could work something regular out. He got a hotel room in a nice but not five-star hotel downtown, and we agreed to meet up for a chat at a chain coffee shop down the street.

Mr D was probably 47 or 48 (never trust the ages they post online!) and pudgy. I was in no way physically attracted to him, but he was nice and a little funny. Plus, as I said, it seemed like we could work something regular out, and that's really important.

Mr D used the restroom at the coffee shop, and when he came back asked if I felt comfortable with him. I answered in the affirmative. He joked that he figured if I wasn't comfortable he would have come back from the restroom to an empty table. I laughed along with him, but to be honest the thought hadn't even crossed my mind!

We walked back to his hotel room. The view was spectacular, but I hardly had time to enjoy it. Mr D undressed me quickly, and then went down on me. In our emails before meeting he had said he really enjoyed that, so I was surprised he hardly seemed to know where my clitoris was! After he had enjoyed himself for a while I began to go down on him.

Now, I'd like to think I know a little about giving head. I'm no expert, but I have a couple of tricks up my sleeves. Well, Mr D wasn't very hard to start off with, but after perhaps five minutes he went completely soft. He suggested we try 69, no change. We cuddled and made out for a bit, thinking perhaps he'd get it back.

Then the hilarity begins. Mr D excuses himself to the bathroom and tells me to watch tv. Well, I will admit to being a bit of a tv addict, so I quickly turn on CNN. Mr D is in the bathroom five minutes, and when he comes out he says he's feeling better. We begin to make out again, but within two minutes he runs back to the restroom.

It would appear that poor Mr D had some bad food on the plane ride over and is feeling the effects! He apologized and said that it simply wasn't going to work out tonight. He hands me $300 plus cab fare, and I'm on my way!

I never saw him again, although he did email me to apologize. The apology is the funniest part! I got $300 for hardly doing anything!