Mr M is over

Well, that was short!

I won't be seeing Mr M again. My decision, completely.

I've realized that his shortcomings as an SD are just too many for me to overlook. He's a bit outside my normal age range, he wants to be very public about being an SD, and just in general I wasn't comfortable with him.

I did go meet him in his city and we had a pretty fun day together. In general he managed to keep his hands to himself in public, but it felt like a constant battle. That's just really not fun for me to have to deal with all day.

He also expressed some beliefs and views that I absolutely do not share. He's a bit of a racist, to be honest. I found it distasteful.

He also is very into calling me his 'baby' or his 'little girl.' That just creeps me out.

Nothing sexual happened, and we parted on good terms. I informed him that I wouldn't be seeing him again once I got home, but I made sure never to lie to him throughout the day. I did have fun during parts of the day, and he certainly was interesting to talk with!

I'm glad that I went to visit him. It was a good learning experience and it was nice to visit his city. I am sorry that he didn't have as much potential as I thought he did, but without spending that time with him I couldn't have known.

Where's the Line?

I mentioned last week that I'm not a fan of being public with my sd/sb relationships. But where exactly is the line? Clearly I want to spend some time in public with an SD, especially while he's just a potential.

I love going out to nice restaurants. One of my favorite places to eat is at the Four Seasons. And, obviously, this is always done with an SD.

I think the line gets drawn when people around us know that we're sexually involved.

For a while I thought that outside of my city, or even outside of my country, I wouldn't care. That's been put to the test and now I can officially say that it doesn't matter what continent, I don't like when random people walking by or sitting next to me know that I'm fucking a guy twice my age.

So, how do you keep people from guessing? Keep the conversation away from anything related to sex, and even if it's our first time meeting pretend like we know each other a little. No physical contact (hand on leg, holding hands) should occur.

There are lots of SBs out there who would be happy to have an SD parade them around town. I'm not one of them, so if that's what a potential wants I have to wish him the best and move on. Oh well!

Flying High!!

I love flying.

I have always always loved flying.

And so... I love flying to see SDs. Obviously!

Pros: flying!!!, Nearly always Business Class/First Class, I'm flying, peanuts, flying, the views from up high, getting to fly, takeoff, flying, landing, I'm flying, turbulence, frequent flying miles, pretzels, Canada Dry.... and flying!

Cons: um, none.

However, I don't fly to meet SDs for a first meeting.

Just fyi.

Private Lives, Public Consequences?

I'm facing a dilemma.

Mr M is divorced. He has two other friends who have SBs, and as I said before he has had a couple of SBs of his own in the past couple of years.

I'm far more used to married SDs. In fact, with only one exception, every potential I've ever meet even just for a quick coffee has been married.

I realize now that this wasn't just a coincidence.

Married guys value their privacy. They have far more at risk than I do. Their family lives and even careers could be ruined by a run-in with someone they know while with their SB. This means that those sorts of arrangements, besides an occasional meal out, take place completely in private.

That is not Mr M's style.

He wants a girl to flaunt. He wants to go shopping and to the theatre. And while we're there he wants to make it clear to everyone that we are sexually involved.

That is not my style.

Let me be clear here, I am not ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise mortified by being an SB. When I am alone with my thoughts I am not disturbed at all by being an SB, in fact I really enjoy looking back on my experiences so far.

I don't have a problem being with an SD in public, I have a problem with an SD groping me and saying inappropriate things to me in public. I guess I was only meant for married SDs!

So, Mr M and I will be having a little chat next weekend when I fly to visit him. We will not be going shopping at Victoria's Secret together. We will not be going to ballet. We will be staying at his beautiful condo so I can cook a wonderful dinner and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. Unless he learns to keep his hands to himself in public, this is how it will be.

In the mean time...

Although C is clearly my preference, I have met with another potential and will probably keep him around for a while. Mr M is perfectly nice, almost too nice.

I'll explain by telling you about our first meeting. He was in town last week, so I made some time to see him after work one day. We met at the bar of the posh hotel he was staying in. He hugged me right off, and was in general a bit more 'touchy-feely' than I like to be in public. That rule goes for boyfriends and SDs alike. I'm not a huge fan of lots of arm touching or hand holding, and kissing is absolutely verboten. If I'm in public with an SD, the general population should not automatically wonder if we're fucking each other.

He has had four previous arrangements over the past ten years or so. To me that means that he probably has a very specific idea of what his SB should be, and what he expects from the arrangement. That can be great - if it matches with what I'm looking for.

I think in general he is a match, except for his desired level of privacy. Despite not being ashamed or guilty or anything like that about being an SB, I don't like for the general public to know about it. Mr M doesn't seem to care if the people sitting next to us at a restaurant figure it out or not.... actually, I think he might want them to figure it out. With the age difference hovering right around 30+ years, I'm really uncomfortable with that.

But, he's a huge sweetheart. He brought me chocolates, and insisted on calling a car for me (not a cab, a chauffeured car). So, one of these weekends soon I will be making the short flight to see him on his home turf. I'm looking forward to it and not at the same time. C is still my priority, but Mr M is a good alternative should C end up falling through, as so many great potentials do!

A Little More About C

My favorite current potential will be flying into town in a couple of weeks! I'm really excited to meet him finally and see if we work well together. He's coming out here for business, so I feel a lot less pressure. I've had a couple of potentials in the past fly in just to see me, so it's nice that he has something else to occupy him during the day.

I'm very excited about this potential. He's quite attractive and when we've spoken on the phone I've felt very comfortable with him. He's intelligent and we have a lot of similar interests. It's always nice to find someone I can have a conversation with about an article in the Wall Street Journal or New York Times.

We've already worked out the general details of how our arrangement would work, right down to which flights are best. I would fly out to visit him every other weekend Friday night after my internship, then take the red-eye back home Sunday night/Monday morning. He will be doing business in my city a bit more often, and will probably visit once a month.

He's done this before, with another college student. She also had to fly in to see him. He's a busy guy, so he assured me that when I visit him I will probably spend a lot of the time alone in his house while he is working. Perfect for me to be able to keep up on schoolwork.

All in all, I really hope when we meet everything is as perfect as it seems on paper!

Chicken or the Egg?

I think a lot of girls have the seeds of becoming a sugar baby already in them just from our culture and media.

One of my favorite movies is 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.' It's a great movie, with some pretty clear sugar baby overtones. Another standout (and another Marilyn movie!) is 'How to Marry a Millionaire.'

It is unbelievably common in movies for an older guy to be with a younger girl. It's only commented on if the age difference is more than 20 years! Another classic movie is 'Sabrina' with Audrey Hepburn. She ends up with Linus, played by Humphrey Bogart, who is clearly quite older than her.

My mother, who delighted in ruining movies, would often point this out to me. She tried to teach me that it was unnatural. She thought that these old men in movies got the hot young girls because old men financed the movies and wanted to see that. She refused to watch The Drew Carey Show because he was a fat, ugly, older guy who had a fairly attractive girlfriend.

Truth is, I think this is a lot more common than my mother, and many other women, would like to admit. I see it all the time, walking down the street in the city. Perhaps not quite as extreme as in movies and on TV (but everything is more extreme in movies). A really hot girl with a guy who has a bit of a beer gut. A 25 year old marrying a 35 year old.

I don't find myself attracted at all to guys my own age anymore. Perhaps that comes from being a SB, or perhaps that's why being an SB appealed to me. Chicken or the egg?

And can I just point out that Marge is way too hot for Homer? What is it that he brings to that relationship, really? I don't really see any redeeming qualities!

Baby Steps

I often get asked by potentials how I even thought up being an SB. How did the idea enter into my pretty little head? It's actually a rather interesting story, although this certainly isn't what I tell potentials. Not that I advocate lying... but that's a whole other topic!

It was a confluence of events. Of course, Belle de Jour had already planted the seeds of sex for pay in my mind back in high school. I had a glamorized vision of being a prostitute. Granted, Belle was very lucky, very high end, and worked in England where the legal situation is quite different.

When I first started college I thought about selling/donating my eggs to an infertile couple. I'm quite the catch as far as egg donors go apparently, but as I mentioned before , I absolutely refuse to inflict any unnecessary pain on myself, so twice daily injections for a couple of months wasn't in the cards.

I knew I wanted extra cash though. I'd always been the girl in the middle, with never as much cool stuff as my wealthy friends, although I certainly wasn't poor. I was sick of that. I wanted Hermes. I wanted a nicer ipod. Hell, I just wanted to be able to buy songs on itunes and not illegally download them!

For a women's studies class I took I wrote a paper on the history of concubines in China, compared to the recent uptick in the number of sugar babies there. In the past couple of years there have been a couple of high profile cases of wealthy men and their young, attractive girlfriends. I found the topic fascinating.

So it became my new favorite fantasy. At first I didn't put myself into the role, but slowly I started seeing myself as a girlfriend to a wealthy man.

But how does one meet a wealthy guy, let alone make it clear to him that this 19 year old college student is interested in him? I went to the internet for answers, of course!

And that's how I stumbled across the sites, eventually signing up for one... and the rest is history! Nearly four years later, and I am still happy to be meeting potentials and crossing my fingers that this one is my perfect SD!

Should Have Known Better

I got a message from a guy which just restated the one sentence in his profile. 'I would like to meet someone interesting and attractive.' He only added his personal email address and 'You're really cute. I'm very interested.'

I know better, but I emailed him. Sent another picture, asked him about his profession.

He responds...'Nice, B cup, right?'

Yeah, that's it.

I politely responded back in one sentence letting him know that I was flattered, but would not be continuing the conversation.

Wow.

Oldie, but a Goodie

I'm not using Craigslist this time around. I didn't have any luck there before, so I decided to leave it out of the mix of sites I'm using this time.

My main problem with Craigslist is that you only get the information the SD wants to provide. Often it is only a line or two saying what they want in their SB, and very little or nothing about themselves.

Obviously, this is the internet so anything anyone posts can be false, but even lies tell me something about a potential! Plus, I like to know things like age and height. I do need a certain level of attraction before I seriously consider someone. If you are far out of my age range, then why waste your time and mine?

This time around I'm back with the first site I ever logged into, as well as a new one. The new one I had never even noticed before (and I've checked out a lot of SD sites!). I'm not too optimistic about my chances of finding anyone on that site, but it doesn't hurt. On the old site I immediately had 5 or 6 guys who I've vetted before contact me. I very politely told them that I still wasn't interested, but it was sweet that they messaged me.

My System

When an SB first signs up on a site, she can expect to be inundated with emails (so long as her profile isn't embarrassingly bad). Perhaps this is true for SD's as well, I wouldn't know. I had to start a system to keep track of potentials until I narrow the field down to a manageable level.

I use note cards. Each potential gets a note card. His name, age, height, income, etc go on the card. I leave space at the bottom for notes. For example 'likes to ski,' 'corporate lawyer,' or 'travels to the city 2-3 times a month.' Just a little something to jog my memory.

My current front-runner note cards are...

C., L.A., > $1mil, 6', 45 years, single. Note: PhD level education
A., D.C., >$1mil, 6'3", 40 years, single. Note: works in Finance
J., Chicago, >$1mil, 6', 52 years, married. Note: law degree

On the back I keep track of who contacted who, what date, and what form (email, phone).

So far I'm really liking my potentials. We'll just have to see who breaks away from the pack!

From My Diary Part 2

Con't...

'J was just walking up to the entrance of the bar as I came from the other direction. We had an awkward moment of just staring at each other, and then we introduced ourselves, shaking hands. He's tall, fit, and far more handsome than I thought from his photo!

The bar was elegant and dark. One side was a traditional bar, but most of the room was plush chairs around tables and leather couches around a grand fireplace. He ordered a beer and I got an iced tea. He asked me a couple of questions about school, and I asked him about the trip he was leaving for later that afternoon.

He started talking about his job in finance and that carried the conversation until it was almost time to leave. He explained to me how he went from rich to uber-rich by making a risky investment about five years ago. It was science related, and he glossed over the technical aspects of it. I felt a bit insulted because he seemed to assume that I wouldn't understand even basic scientific principles. We can't all go to an Ivy League school!

We finally got to the real subject.

He said he only wants one girl. He's never done this before, and he wants me to be exclusive. I made sure to say that I don't need the money, that it's more about fun and excitement for me. He wants to 'help' someone, so I played up my tuition costs.

Once we decided to leave it got awkward again. We talked about how nice the hotel is on the way out and in the elevator.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him again!'

...
So there you have it! J was my second SD experience, after M. I knew a bit more, but still honestly had no clue what I was doing. Hopefully that just came off as endearing and not stupid to the guys!

From My Diary

I've decided to do a direct post from my diary of the first time I met my favorite SD, J.

'So I met J yesterday, but before I talk about him I have to talk about the hotel where we met.

A doorman pushed the revolving door for me so I wouldn't even have to touch it! There was a small entryway, very dark, classy, where I walked up to the front desk. They directed me to a bank of elevators.

A bellman led me to the elevators, pushed the button for me, an said 'Have a good day' as the doors opened.

I stepped out into a grand hallway, which I followed to the Lobby. I was so nervous that everything seemed strange, blurry, distant. The lobby was a huge room 5-6 stories up, with an alcove tucked up a floor over the whole room with a cellist playing. A cellist! In the middle of the day! I'm still in awe of everything I saw.

J was no where to be seen, so I ducked into the ladies room. Even the towels looked luxurious. I texted him quickly, and he said he was only a minute away. I composed myself and walked out of the bathroom.'

I'll post more tomorrow! Just wanted to give a sense of what that moment right before feels like.

My First Time Having Sex for Money

I mentioned my first meeting before here and here.

I did end up seeing M again, quite soon after that meeting. Luckily I didn't scare him away with my inexperience and inebriation!

We met at the same bar again, and each had a drink. He had been to the doctor's office earlier in the day, so we talked about his sports injury. I originally thought he would have to cancel because he had been through minor surgery in the office that day, but he was insistent that we meet anyway.

Almost the second we stepped through the door of his condo we were at it. We had the quick mumbled convo about birth control (pill and condoms!) and before I knew it I was naked, laying across his bed!

Please keep in mind how terribly, terribly inexperienced I was at this point in my life! This is certainly not what I consider an 'ideal' meeting!

He went down on me, something I had never before experienced (ahem, college guys suck at sex). I didn't know what to do, and honestly was a bit uncomfortable. When it was my turn to reciprocate I was relieved.

M was average sized, nothing extraordinary, but certainly not disappointing. The sex was average as well, lasting perhaps 5 minutes, in missionary.

We talked for a while after. I was a bit inebriated (again). He asked if I'd ever thought about getting implants. I responded that if they ever find a way to make implants pain-free I'll be first in line! Until then, there's no way I'd ever agree to unnecessary pain. I have very low pain tolerance.

We got dressed, and he walked me out. In the elevator he handed me an envelope, and said he hoped it was enough. We hadn't discussed money at all beforehand. He joked that it was probably the easiest money I'd ever make, and I nervously laughed with him.

Certainly not a terrible first time, however I learned a lot from it (when I sobered up).

Funny note: When I got home 20 minutes later I ran into a friend on my way into my building. She grabbed me and made me go out for a snack with her and a bunch a friends. The whole time all I could think was 'Please dear god don't let them figure out that I'm tipsy... or notice the economy pack of condoms in my bag!' I got away with it somehow!

Belle de Jour

Belle de Jour, the up-until-yesterday anonymous ex-call girl who wrote tons of books about her experiences, has always been an idol of mine.

I read her first book when I was in high school. It sat on my shelf after that for a few years before I moved to college. As I was packing up, I sat and re-read a couple of my favorite parts. I eventually found out that it was originally a blog. I read the entire thing in just a couple of days. Belle seeped into my consciousness. She's part of the reason I first decided to sign up for one of the sites, but that's another post.

The Times wrote a great article about Belle, at least in my opinion. She outed herself, although there were certainly reasons why she did it now (ex-boyfriend, press catching on). I hope that the paps don't ruin her life. I think the best possible outcome would be that now all the mystery is over, everyone gets bored and leaves her alone.

It's very motivating to me to see someone like Belle, who has a PhD and is doing amazing work for kids with cancer. It makes me realize that so long as I don't let myself get pulled in too far, this can all be just a bit of fun, and when I want to move on I can. Certainly Belle is going to face some negative consequences, but I have no plans on becoming famous like her or to write a book. This blog is really more for myself to keep track of my thoughts than anything else.

So, best of luck to Belle/Brooke! I'm glad to finally know who she is after all these years, but I never wished for her to be forcibly exposed. I hope that her decision to come out now is for the best and that she never regrets anything!

Hello Darlings!

I've been gone for a while. Just needed to sort things out. As I mentioned earlier, I haven't been and active SB for nearly a year. However, all that is changing.

I'm back on the prowl!

So, I will be posting again, hopefully fairly frequently, all about my new search for the perfect SD. I already have quite a few potentials lined up, and can't wait to tell you about them!

Costco for Excorts

Some potentials seem to see a sugar baby as a way to spend less money than what they currently do on escorts. I often want to send these men links to local escort ads in response, but I've always resisted the urge.

For example, Mr Z sent me an email letting me know that he was willing to give me $2000 a month in return for being exclusive and meeting at least three times a week. He filled his message with a lot of explanations, chiefly that $2000 a month is more than a lot of people make working 40 hours a week.

I had some major issues with Mr Z. Firstly, his profile was woefully inadequate, addressing only what race of woman he was looking for and that he is a very good lover.

Secondly, $2000 a month at a 40 hour a week job is $12.50 an hour. I really think that saying 'a lot' of people was an overstatement, especially considering I make more than that at my part-time job.

Thirdly, he clearly falls into the Costco Sugar Daddy group. Three times a week would mean approx. $165 per meeting. From my quick surfing of craigslist that seems to be the going rate for an hour with any of the beautiful ladies on there.

Mr Z is not alone in seeing a Sugar Baby as a budget escort. I want to explain to all of them their folly, but instead I bite my tongue and delete their emails before my resolve wilts away.

Sorry guys, but you can't save money buy bulk-buying your hours with an escort and calling her a sugar baby. At least not with any of the smart ones.

My First Meeting P2

I am sorry for not continuing this post earlier. I've lost my journal from that year, and I wanted to try to remember more details. Alas, it seems to be truly gone (whaaa!), so here goes!

When he returned we sat and talked a bit longer, and then he suggested we head out. At this point I will admit I had drank (drunk?) half the glass of wine and two cosmos. Remember I was only a little froshie and the whole drinking thing was new to me, so I was definitely tipsy.

We began to walk out of the bar and down the street. At first we were heading towards the subway, but then we weren't. I didn't say anything. Next thing I knew he was holding open the door to a gorgeous condo high-rise. We went upstairs, past the two smiling doormen. His one-bedroom condo was beautiful, clearly professionally decorated.

He excused himself to the bathroom, so I sneaked a peak of the view out the window. Gorgeous. When he came out we sat on the couch talking for a bit.

Then he asked me if I wanted to go to the bedroom. I blushed horribly. I apologized and said I wasn't sure why I had come back to his place with him because I didn't intend to have sex on the first meeting. He said that was fine, then asked if he could have a blowjob.

Embarrassing, but true, I really was inexperienced with the BJ, so I said no. He said that was fine, again, and offered me a ride home.

We took a taxi to one of his properties a couple of blocks away where he kept his car. The gate's lock was iced, so after struggling with it for a couple of minutes we walked from the front of the brownstone around the block to the alley. He had a brand-new Lexus.

He drove me home, and kissed me when he dropped me off. Nearly the whole drive there he had been on the phone with his wife, directing her on packing their vacation home.

And that was my very first meeting with a real live sugar daddy!

Children and Babies

I've had SDs who want to talk about their kids and others who avoid the topic as much as possible. It may be weird, but I like to hear about the children! It can be uncomfortable at first.

Once an SD told me that his three kids were home from school because they had a free day. I felt bad that I was taking their dad away from them. Then I remember I wasn't taking him away from them, I was taking him away from his office. He wouldn't have been home even if I didn't exist.

I think it's because I just love kids in general. I can't wait to have my own. Well, actually I can because I am NOT at the right point in my life, but I look forward to when I am ready.

SDs have told me all sorts of things about their kids. I think they feel more comfortable saying how they really feel. I've heard fathers proclaim favorites, and admit that perhaps little Junior isn't going to be a rocket scientist after all. Everything that has ever been said to me regarding children has been said with love behind every word.

On a slightly different note, it's never happened to me, but I have heard of girls being propositioned by men on SD sites looking to impregnate them. I think that's very weird, and way beyond my comfort level!

In Honor of the Holiday...

We shall be discussing drinking and SDs. How much, when, and where!

I see nothing wrong with drinking with an SD. Infact, more than half of my first meetings have been at bars or similar places. A glass of wine or a Cosmo seems to be the best way to go.

My very first meeting I got a little too tipsy. I wasn't drunk, but I also wasn't fully aware of what was going on. I said things I shouldn't have, and I ended up back at his place and in a very awkward and dangerous situation. Thank god he turned out to be a good guy!

So drinking is ok, but drinking St Patties Day style is not!

Wine I think is preferable to any other drink simply because it is seen as feminine, and if he (and you!) know anything about wine it's a good topic. If you don't know anything about wine, try to at least learn some basics, like what types or reds you like, or even what a red is!

Having a drink is a great way to relax, for you and for him! Plus it gives you something to do with your hands! I never know what to do with my hands!

Social Norms, etc

I fully realize that these sorts of arrangements are not viewed by the general public favorably. I've mentioned before that I do not tell anyone, friends or family, about what I do.

I do fear people I know finding out. I go to great lengths to avoid this.

The main thing is to protect my profile. The internet is a big and scary place, and bad things can happen very easily. I do not ever put face pictures on my profile. I have heard all sorts of statistics about how face pictures get more responses, but it simply isn't worth it to me. My father has referenced one of the sites (one I'm not on, thank god!) and friends have joked about sugar babies and daddies too often. I send face pictures once I've gotten an email or two from the guy. It's just discretionary. When I feel comfortable, you see my face.

Another thing I do is meet in places away from 'my' area of the city. I like to be comfortable in my surroundings on first meetings, but not too comfortable! I have been lucky enough to not have had any run-ins with people I know while with an SD.

I do like to be prepared though, and it seems the SDs are just as worried. Coming out of a hotel once with an SD he quickly pulled me aside and said his best friend and his wife lived in a condo just down the street. If he were to be spotted I was to act like I had asked for directions! In the future we avoided this by simply leaving the hotel at different times. I had to check out of the room anyway, so it just made sense.

Would it be better if I could tell someone? Sure! But I don't think any of my friends would approve, so I keep it to myself. I think it's a secret I will have to keep forever unfortunately.

My Current Situation

I feel I should let everyone know that I do not currently have an SD. I am not on any sites, and I am not looking. I have no desire for an SD right now.

Instead, I have a boyfriend, who I've mentioned before (here and here). I have always put relationships before arrangements. Being an SB is not my future, so I have always put the real deal before the simulation.

I am very happy right now. I am financially comfortable, doing fairly well in school, have very little friend drama, and the boyfriend drama has been manageable. Overall, great!

Do I miss having the excitement of an SD? Sometimes. It certainly spices up life, running off between classes to meet him at a hotel, or lying to my roommate as to why I'm spending the night away.

At the same time I prefer having a simple life. I go to class, work, friends, and boyfriends. Nothing to lie about, nothing to hide. Sure, sitting on my couch all day watching Friends re-runs is boring, yet at the same time it's incredibly enjoyable.

Will I go back to the SD world someday? I'm not sure. I don't think I can answer that being where I am right now in my life. But I am open to the idea.

Daddy Issues

I'll admit it. I have daddy issues. And for once, I mean my real father.

I think a lot of girls who go for this sort of arrangement probably do too. I have always been attracted to older men, and I have no problem admitting that it stems from problems with my father.

Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, and he loves me too. There was never ANY abuse, so please don't go there. I just think, like a lot of girls, that I never got enough attention from him, never enough love. He tried, but he's just not a very touchy-feely guy.


So I've always wanted other men to love me, to want me. I get off on it. Is it messed up that I know this and still indulge it? Perhaps. But, for now, it's how I choose to deal with it. I simply don't know any other way.

A lot of girls on sites seem to be looking for daddy replacements too. The terminology alone not only condones it, but encourages it. He's my daddy, I'm his baby.

To be honest though, if any guy actually wanted me to call him 'daddy,' in or out of bed, I'd run for the hills! That's too much, even for me!!

Doin' it for the Money

I have never been an SB for money. Yes, the money is a necessary part, but I have never let it be the decision maker.

In fact, the one time in my life I hit a rough patch financially (nearly evicted, couldn't pay my tuition) I dumped my SD. Maybe this was stupid. I sometimes regret it. To be honest though, I simply couldn't get up the energy to dress up and act happy when it felt like my life was falling apart.

My first SD/SB experience was so I could buy a designer bag I had been worshiping. I am an SB for the extras in life. I am an SB so I can go shopping, and eat out, and have fun nights at bars with my friends.

I will never be an SB to pay rent or put food in my mouth. Part of it for me is that I don't need the money. I am independent. I support myself through college by working, like tons of other college students. I work hard and I work long hours.

Being an SB is all about fun, from getting ready, to the time I spend with the SD, to going shopping with the money. Fun from start to finish!

Special Things

I think a big part of what I do as an SB is remember special little things that the men I see like.

One man is permanently over-hydrated, so I always make sure that before he arrives I set out a glass of water.

Another guy is really into earrings. I always make sure to wear a different, new pair for him. He likes to lick and play with them.

Another guy is really into his nipples. I have never experienced this before, but he can actually come from nipple-play alone! I've gotten really good with mens nipples thanks to him!

Or there's the guy who just wants me to give him a hand job until he comes across my stomach. For him I make sure that I have a towel close by.

There was another guy who always seemed to be hot, so I would sacrifice my own personal comfort and turn down the temperature any time I saw him.

For all the guys, after I see them I write down what we talked about so I remember for the next time and can ask questions about their jobs and children.

These are things that I just picked up on. The SDs didn't tell me that they like earrings, or nipple play, I just figured it out and made it a special thing for him. I think that's a huge part of what an SB does.

I'm a safety kinda gal

Safety is huge for me. If I get a funny feeling about a guy, I cancel. I avoid risks, because meeting SDs is risky, just like any type of online dating.

One guy who I was talking to set off some major alarm bells when we were setting up our first meeting. He asked if I wanted to meet at his condo for a drink before dinner. I said I preferred to meet at the restaurant instead. He seemed cool about it at first.

Then he starts telling me about how he thinks it's great when a girl is confident enough to just go over to a guys place before meeting him. He said he thought it showed that she was cool and really interested in him.

I was stunned. Personally, I think that any girl who does that is an idiot just asking for trouble. Clearly he doesn't actually intend to make it to dinner when he's already got you in his condo drinking wine.

I ended up canceling on him. He eventually agreed to meet me at the restaurant, but I still wasn't comfortable after having had that conversation with him. Also, he lived very close to me. Even though it's a big city, it still made me a bit nervous!

Pavlov's Dog

So, this isn't really about being an SB. You've been warned!

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for a couple of months now. We are very sexually active! As with all new guys, I had to get used to some of the things he likes to do.

I wasn't really into neck kissing, but it seems to be one of his favorite things to do. At first, I was just happy that he wasn't leaving any marks (major turn-off!).

Well, the last time he and I were together, when he started kissing my neck, all of a sudden I felt different. I felt a rush of wetness! I was enjoying it!!

I have to wonder now though if I was actually enjoying the neck kissing, or if it was simply that after a couple of months of neck kissing leading to more fun things, my body responded just as Pavlov's dogs responded to the bell.

Te only reason I thought of this is because the story of Pavlov was used as an example in class the other day. I'd rather think that I am actually just becoming more comfortable with him and having sex with him, and that is leading to me being more turned on.

A Side Effect...

In an arrangement, I put up with all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't in a relationship.


I think that a side-effect of having arrangements is that I have become more accommodating in my relationships. When my boyfriend is late, I brush it off. When he calls me up and gives me no notice but wants to hang out, I go along with it. When he cancels our plans, or is distracted while we're watching a movie, I just laugh about it. I even have encouraged him to check his Blackberry while we're having dinner.

I never used to be like that.

It's the SD mindset. The man can't be wrong. Whatever he wants, I have to go along with it, whether I want to or not. And if I don't want to, or if he's annoying me, or if I'm pissed off, I never show it. I keep it all inside and pretend like everything is perfect.

Luckily for my current boyfriend, he gets away with it all because I honestly care for him. It doesn't matter if I'm mad while waiting for him because the second he kisses me hello, it melts away.

Maybe this means I'm building the relationship on a shaky foundation, but for now it's working, and in general he is a perfect gentleman.

That's another side effect, albeit a positive one. I am not attracted to assholes anymore. If you don't take care of me (paying for dinner, opening doors, giving me a ride home) I won't give you the time of day. I know that I am worth it now!

I'm Sorry!

I love when men apologize after sex. OK, not really, because I never have any idea what to say. But afterwards, when I'm back home alone, I always have a good laugh over it. It's always for some perceived inability; not keeping it hard, not going long enough.

He's not an SD, but my current boyfriend apologized once for his lack of stamina...after going for 25 minutes! With him I actually laughed right then and there and told him just how silly he was being! Granted, he does normally go longer, but 25 minutes is certainly nothing to be ashamed of!

With an SD though I do find it a bit ridiculous. You should never feel the need to apologize for anything, let alone for something like that, where to be honest I usually am happy if you finish a little faster than normal.

One SD came after maybe 5-7 minutes and after he caught his breath apologized for it being so short. "Normally I can go a lot longer, but I had minor surgery on my throat this morning, and I think I am still a bit woozy from the meds." The fact that you were able to get it up at all should be a triumph! Don't apologize!!

And, of course, I mentioned earlier about Mr D, who apologized after his little bout of food poisoning-induced diarrhea caused us to have to call it quits. I still got money, and I got to bed a lot earlier than I had planned on! No complaints from my end!

The hardest part is what to say! I don't want to sound like I'm lying by over-doing it, but I also can't rightly say 'trust me honey, it wasn't doing much for me anyway.' I wish there was a perfect answer for this!

Married Men Tips and Tricks

With married SDs I really have to be careful. I don't mean that I have to worry about my safety. I have to worry about doing anything which might alert their wife to their extramarital activities.

The biggest rule is to never wear perfume! This is a dead give-away. This includes everything from my favorite Jo Malone spray to scented body lotion. I have found the greatest unscented lotion ever, and it sits next to my regular lotion ready for my married SD to call.

Another thing to be careful about is leaving any sort of mark during sex. I don't normally leave marks during sex, but it is still something to keep in mind!

Discretion is key. Most married SDs want to meet during the day at hotels (I don't bring SDs to my place). This means I book the hotel, I check in, and then I text him with the room number. All he has to do is knock on the door! When we leave, it's up to him how careful he wants to be. Some want to leave at seperate times, whereas with my one long-term SD we went down in the elevator together, but then seperated. I had to check out at the front desk, and he had to get his ass into a cab and back to work asap!

Texting is prefered over calling. He can get back to me whenever is most convienient for him. I also only call or text during work hours, and certainly never on weekends.

A little more about me!

I've talked a bit about myself before, but never really laid out what it is I am offering to these men.

I am a full-time college student at a pretty good school (if I do say so myself). I am not a liberal-arts major, but rather in a professional program. I am very involved on campus in many different groups and I have a great bunch of friends, from school, work, and elsewhere. I do not do any sort of drugs, although I do drink occasionally, but never binge drink.

All in all I think that I have a very bright future ahead of me!

I am also fairly attractive, although I am not a total stunner and I know it. I am taller than average, but my body will never be model thin. I have long hair, but not barbie-doll blonde. What I'm trying to say is that physically I don't stand out too much, but I am still attractive. In general these men want the traditional standards of beauty, and I have those. I am never dressed too flashy and I never draw more attention to myself than necessary. And that's how they want it (if they're married, like most are).

I had a normal childhood in a suburban area. I went to private schools starting with preschool and education was always stressed. My family is upper-middle class. There were richer kids in my high school, but there were poorer ones too. I was right in the middle.

I have a good relationship with both my parents, if a very traditional one. I love my siblings with everything I have and I'd like to think I've been a good older sister.

This is what sells in the SD/SB world. A normal, everyday, girl-next door type. If I had blonde hair I would be the perfect SB!

Maybe I'll consider dying it...naw!

Giving Craigslist a Shot

I mentioned earlier that I responded to a couple of craigslist postings, and was interested in one or two of the men. Well, one pulled a 'my ex and I got back together' just six hours before our first meeting was scheduled. The other could only meet during the day, so it took me a bit longer to set up a time to meet him.

Boy, am I glad we had that extra week to talk over email before I wasted my time on him!

Normally I am not big on talking about money or sex before we meet, but he asked so I told him what my allowance was with my previous SD. His email in response was hilarious!

'Wow. That's a whole other league.'

He then tells me that with his previous SB he gave her less than half what I asked for, and met up twice a week! It boils down to less that $200 each meeting!!

I quickly responded that I didn't think we were suitable, not because of the money but because my schedule does not allow me to meet up more than 3 or 4 times a month. And, of course, I wished him the best of luck.

Sometimes I am just amazed with how much men want for so little. I suppose he saw an SB as a sort of bulk-buy escort. Give her an allowance and maybe, just maybe, she won't notice that it's a total ripoff. Too bad for him I'm not lying when I say I'm a college student, and I can quickly figure out if he's worth it or not.

Oh, and I wasn't lying about not being able to meet twice a week. I would have had to turn him down even if the money would have been adequate.

My First Meeting P1

I was so nervous. The whole way there on the subway I had my ipod on really loud, trying not to think about what I was doing. I nearly didn't go. I called M earlier in the day and almost canceled. In the end we agreed to meet a little later than we originally planned.

As I walked up from the subway and down the street I nearly turned back around. What was I doing? Meeting a man nearly old enough to be my father, in a bar when I was only 19!

I was relieved when I made it to the bar, but only because it was so cold outside. Once I thawed out and took a look around I realized that I didn't see anyone who looked like the picture he'd used on his profile. I started to panic. What if he wasn't there? What if someone carded me? What if I knew someone in here?

Just as I was about to leave a man sitting alone at a table caught my eye and mouthed across the room 'CB?' I nodded and made my way over.

He wasn't the man from the photo, and he later explained that it was a picture of one of his friends. He was actually more attractive, and after the first couple of minutes I felt fairly relaxed with him.

I had no idea what I was doing. I hadn't planned in advance what I was willing to tell him and what i wasn't. We talked about our families, and I ended up saying more than I should have. I'm lucky it never came back to haunt me!

He had two homes, one here in the city and one down in Florida. His wife and kids were down in Florida, and they rarely came to our city. He was here a lot for business. He was in real estate in some fashion. I wonder now how he's doing. If he managed to escape the bubble popping and all that.

He ordered me a glass of wine as I had no idea what I wanted. When it came I drank only a little of it. I didn't want to get drunk. He took this to mean that I didn't like it, so he asked the waitress to take it back and get me a cosmo instead. I felt so embarrassed!

After we had been there nearly an hour he took a phone call from his wife. He stepped outside after the intial 'Hi Honey. Yes, still at the bar, watching the game.' I wondered if she could tell, but I didn't feel any guilt.

TBC...

Expectations for First Meetings

'Expectations' might not be quite the right word, but it's close. I have general ideas on how a first meeting should go. These are flexible and are simply guidelines, but in general they fit.

I know a lot of girls expect a gift of some sort on the first meeting, but I never have expected that, and I never have received that. What I do expect is for the man to pay for whatever drink/food I order. This has never been an issue, as I think it's understood. Also, I would say 75% of the time the man offers to pay for my cab ride home. I usually accept this, and it's always nice to have it offered.

First meetings should never be too long. I would say anything over an hour and a half is too long. One man said he only had time for a quick meeting, and then we ended up sitting in the bar for three hours. Too long!

Topics of conversation should be like any first date, although when we first meet in the bar/restaurant/whatever I never say 'So nice to meet you' or anything like that. I wouldn't want the people around us to think anything other than innocent things about what we are up to. I do talk a bit about my background, but I keep it vague. I'm always surprised when men give me very intimate details of their lives, when they've only just met me!

In general, I'm here to see if we have any chemistry. Don't try too hard, it backfires. I'm also making sure that you are who you said you were online. Most importantly, I'm doing a gut check. Do you freak me out? Do I get a bad vibe? Do I feel that I could spend time with you and enjoy it?

That's it!

Nailing it all Down

Talking about specifics of an arrangement is very tricky. I've dealt with everything from first emails outlining exactly how often they want to meet and what allowance they want to give, to never even discussing those things.

Personally, I prefer to wait until after we've had a first meeting to talk about specifics, through emails. This way we've already established that we both would like to go ahead with an arrangement, and can get the business out of the way.

Many guys want to talk about it during the first meeting, but this puts me off a bit for two reasons. First, we're in public, and god only knows who is listening in on what we are talking about. Secondly, it is awkward no matter how you look at it, and discussing it in person, especially if we disagree in anything, just makes it more awkward.

I've actually had one arrangement where we never discussed neither how often we would meet, nor what type of allowance he was willing to give. It worked out fine, but didn't last long as I think neither of us was happy with the situation.

The easiest thing for me is just putting it in my profile. I make it very clear in the text of my profile how often I want to meet a month, and both sites I'm on have a place to put 'desired allowance.' I hate that most men put 'negotiable.' This doesn't help me out at all! You must have a number in mind, just tell me!

First Meeting Nerves

I'm always nervous. Always.

The more that I want you to like me, the more nervous I'm going to be. If for instance you are really cute, or you seem like the perfect potential, I'm going to be more nervous than if you're a bit out of my target age range, or seem cheap.

But I'm still nervous.

The handful of first meetings I've had have mainly been at bars. They've ranged from a neighborhood bar where the guy said everyone knew his name (a bit creepy) to the bar at a 5 star hotel which had an elevator attendant. I've also had first meetings at coffee shops, restaurants, and one on the steps of a museum.

I have a couple of rules, as I've mentioned before, but I forgot to mention one that applies to first meetings.

I don't shave my legs.

Yeah, you heard me. I don't shave my legs. This helps me keep another one of my rules, not to sleep with a potential on the first meeting. This, of course, is waived in the cases where I've gone in knowing ahead of time that I was going to sleep with the man right away, but that's only been twice. It's probably a little silly, but it seems to do the trick.

I was tempted once, and was so glad that I had that to keep me from breaking my rule!!

Sometimes I do get angry

I always try my best to stay calm about everything to do with the SD world. These guys have specific things they want, and if I'm not it I'm not going to get upset about it. I've been told many times by potentials that I am not what they want, and I've always been cool about it.

Then you get assholes like this guy. Let's call him D for douche. He sends me a one sentence email, so I email him back, asking questions and cracking a joke. When I took the time to look closer at his profile I realized there was no way he was the age he said he was, and I simply am not comfortable with men over a certain age.

He emailed me back pretty quickly, asking to see pictures. I decided to be polite and not leave him hanging so I wrote:

"Thanks for the message. I actually looked a bit closer at your profile and I don't think we are looking for the same thing. Thanks though, and best of luck!!"

He almost immediately writes back, accusing me of being one of many hookers who 'clog up this site' and added 'thanks for wasting my time.'

I understand where he might have gotten that because his profile specifies that he is not looking for a 'hooker,' but he should have read my profile where I specify that I am not a prostitute.

He blocked me so that I couldn't respond, so I became frustrated and a little angry! He miss-represented himself (his age) and so I am not interested. I honestly think what bothers me most is that he said I wasted his time. I try to be polite and considerate by letting him know I wasn't interested, and get slammed for it.

Oh well.

Craigslist vs The Sites

I've been on two different sites for meeting SDs the couple of years I've been doing this. There are some great advantages to the sites, mainly that the men have to fill out profiles with their ages, location, and what they want. Some even list what amount of allowance they are willing to give. Sure, lots and lots of them lie, but at least you can get a general idea.

One of the sites I am on is a bit more classy, I suppose. I get fewer emails from it, but they are more likely to be quality. My one long-term SD I found through this site. The other site has a lot of guys who are just getting their rocks off by chatting, and looking for call girls, but I have met with a couple of nice potentials from there as well. Plus, it's a nice ego boost every morning to wake up to ten emails from guys who want to fuck me. No, I'm not interested, but it's an ego boost just like the Mexican guy at the corner shop who always asks if I have a boyfriend.

I just recently took a look at craigslist for the first time, and the idea of it all scares me a bit more than the sites do. I don't like that most of the men give very little information about themselves. I guess I'm just used to the profiles with ages and heights.

There's also something about having to email them. Sure, I could just put my own posting up, but so far I've been the one going after them. It's not my usual style, and not really how I like to start things off. I want them to want me, to come after me, otherwise the whole thing just seems off balance!

I emailed two men from craigslist the other day, and one of them actually seems like someone I might end up meeting. But that was mainly because he treated his post like a profile and filled in all the info I could want on him. Well, and he's also quite charming and mentioned taking me to a restaurant that I've been dying to try! In such a big city it just seems funny that he thought of that one restaurant too.

Perhaps I'll have to change my mind about craigslist and put it into my regular mix of sites to check. We shall see!

Going Down... Yeah, There

I'm not a big fan of guys going down on me. I mentioned it in a previous post, so I thought I should clarify. Don't get me wrong, I'm not self-conscious down there, and I don't hate my vagina by any means! Call me sick, but I also happen to really enjoy going down on guys. They never seem to believe me. All those girls out there who complain about it ruin it for the rest of us!

Really, it just comes down to the fact that I am not going to come from you licking my clitoris, and guys just don't seem to understand that. They just keep going and going and going like freaking Energizer Bunnies. At some point it stops feeling good and starts to be really uncomfortable!

Sure, I could just tell the guy to stop, but then they get this puppy-dog look like 'I wasn't good enough to get you off?' It's not that you're not good enough, it's just that it's not going to happen. It's just so much easier to fake it and get to see the big grins on their faces when they come back up to kiss me.

On top of that there's all the noise I need to make. I'm not a loud person when I come. I normally am perfectly still and completely silent, but that's not what guys want. The bad thing is that I am pretty loud when I'm actually being pounded into, so guys expect that all the time. So I have to lay there and moan and writhe and tell the guy just how good everything feels.

Here's the thing. Having you lick and flick and poke around down there doesn't feel nearly the same as having you slamming into me. Yeah, I'm going to moan and scream and whimper and all of that when you're pounding into me. If you expect the same from a couple of flicks of your tongue then you're deluded. Lucky for you, I'm willing to indulge your delusions.

Hell, they should be thanking me for faking it!

Married Men

Out of all the men I've talked with and met most were married. Of course, this means they were looking for an extramarital affair. They are cheaters.

I think for a lot of people this is the biggest problem they have with arrangements, the cheating. They want to know how I can do it, be the 'other woman' knowingly. How can I possibly condone infidelity?

My answer is simple, and unoriginal: I don't condone it but I do provide it.

I have no problem with seeing married men. In fact, I prefer them. They demand far less of my time, and have even more reason than I to be discrete. Single guys often want to show me off, and I'm not comfortable with that. Who knows who might be sitting in the booth next to us, or going to the same play?

The next question is always an inquiry to how I would handle this in my own life. I believe I am honest when I say that I wouldn't mind. I've had this conversation (theoretically only!) with friends, and they are always shocked that I wouldn't mind if my future husband cheated on me.

There are some restrictions though, and these are ones I follow in my SB life. The man cannot have real feelings for me, and everything is kept as discrete as possible. I only see men who say they are happy in their marriages.

My long-term SD was married, and he once confessed to me that he had been with a woman in his office a couple of years back. He was clearly feeling guilty about her, and probably about me too, so I quickly soothed him. He was much smarter being with me. He was having safe, protected sex. There were no possible complications. His wife would never know, and it left him able to go home at night in a better mood to kiss his wife on the cheek.

To many people cheating is cheating, no way around it, and that's fine. For me, all I care about is emotional cheating. Keep it just about sex and don't throw it in my face and we'll have a happy life!

The Rules

I'd like to think I'm a pretty laid back kind of girl, but even I have a couple of simple, basic, easy-to-follow rules that every guy must comply with if he wants to set up a first meeting.

1. I must see a picture of you.
This is important for my own personal safety, and simply for general peace of mind. I do not have friends that I can talk to about this aspect of my life, so when I'm going to meet a potential for the first time I save his photo and general information in a Word document on the desktop of my laptop. If anything goes wrong, the cops are going to find you!
I also hate the feeling of going into a restaurant or coffee shop or bar and not having any clue as to who I am meeting. One man told me he thought it would amuse him to watch me try to figure out who he was in a Starbucks at noon. Yeah, it might be fun for you, and in general I'm all for playing games, but let's keep those games confined to the bedroom!

2. I must have your phone number
Lots of guys 'block' their phone number when they first call me. Again, this is just a simple safety issue.

3. We meet in a public place
Safety safety safety. I'm just a safety kind of girl! In general this has been either a bar or a restaurant. Coffee shops are fine, but I always prefer to have the meeting be around an hour long to really see if we have any chemistry, and who wants to sit in a crowded starbucks for an hour? Not me!

4. We are not going back to yours quite yet (sometimes)
I've broken this rule twice, and both times (Mr D included) I did not regret it, and both times it was because they flew into town just to see me.
In general though I think it is better (for me and for the potential) not to have any expectations of that type so we can spend the time seeing if we have chemistry.

With most potentials I never even have to mention my rules. Most are gentlemen and provide me with everything I could want to feel safe and comfortable when I am with them. I have never been in a situation where I did not feel safe with a potential or with an SD, and for that I am beyond thankful!

To Come or not to Come

# of Orgasms I've had: Countless

# of Orgasms from Men: 2

# of faked Orgasms: Countless again

I have had two real, honest-to-god orgasms thanks to men. I can get myself off easy, but coming during sex usually eludes me.

My first non-masturbatory orgasm was my first time meeting my one and only long-term SD (sugar daddy). I was on top, and he had just come, but was still inside me. We weren't even moving. I could feel it coming, and wasn't sure if I should let it, but ended up saying 'screw it.' I don't think he even noticed.

My second was while another SD was going down on me. Normally, I really can't enjoy that (long story), but before I had met up with him I had used my vibrator right up until I was about to come. So, I think it had less to do with his skill and more to do with the fact that I was already 90% there.

My last ex (as in real boy friend) was the only person I haven't had to fake it for. He didn't give a shit if I came or not, which I suppose should have tipped me off to him being a total asshole. Oh well!

The guy I'm currently seeing (non-SD) would probably be devastated if he knew I faked. I feel bad, but he really seems to put a lot on whether or not he can get me off, and he's such a nice guy I just can't tell him the truth!