Mr M is over

Well, that was short!

I won't be seeing Mr M again. My decision, completely.

I've realized that his shortcomings as an SD are just too many for me to overlook. He's a bit outside my normal age range, he wants to be very public about being an SD, and just in general I wasn't comfortable with him.

I did go meet him in his city and we had a pretty fun day together. In general he managed to keep his hands to himself in public, but it felt like a constant battle. That's just really not fun for me to have to deal with all day.

He also expressed some beliefs and views that I absolutely do not share. He's a bit of a racist, to be honest. I found it distasteful.

He also is very into calling me his 'baby' or his 'little girl.' That just creeps me out.

Nothing sexual happened, and we parted on good terms. I informed him that I wouldn't be seeing him again once I got home, but I made sure never to lie to him throughout the day. I did have fun during parts of the day, and he certainly was interesting to talk with!

I'm glad that I went to visit him. It was a good learning experience and it was nice to visit his city. I am sorry that he didn't have as much potential as I thought he did, but without spending that time with him I couldn't have known.

Where's the Line?

I mentioned last week that I'm not a fan of being public with my sd/sb relationships. But where exactly is the line? Clearly I want to spend some time in public with an SD, especially while he's just a potential.

I love going out to nice restaurants. One of my favorite places to eat is at the Four Seasons. And, obviously, this is always done with an SD.

I think the line gets drawn when people around us know that we're sexually involved.

For a while I thought that outside of my city, or even outside of my country, I wouldn't care. That's been put to the test and now I can officially say that it doesn't matter what continent, I don't like when random people walking by or sitting next to me know that I'm fucking a guy twice my age.

So, how do you keep people from guessing? Keep the conversation away from anything related to sex, and even if it's our first time meeting pretend like we know each other a little. No physical contact (hand on leg, holding hands) should occur.

There are lots of SBs out there who would be happy to have an SD parade them around town. I'm not one of them, so if that's what a potential wants I have to wish him the best and move on. Oh well!

Flying High!!

I love flying.

I have always always loved flying.

And so... I love flying to see SDs. Obviously!

Pros: flying!!!, Nearly always Business Class/First Class, I'm flying, peanuts, flying, the views from up high, getting to fly, takeoff, flying, landing, I'm flying, turbulence, frequent flying miles, pretzels, Canada Dry.... and flying!

Cons: um, none.

However, I don't fly to meet SDs for a first meeting.

Just fyi.

Private Lives, Public Consequences?

I'm facing a dilemma.

Mr M is divorced. He has two other friends who have SBs, and as I said before he has had a couple of SBs of his own in the past couple of years.

I'm far more used to married SDs. In fact, with only one exception, every potential I've ever meet even just for a quick coffee has been married.

I realize now that this wasn't just a coincidence.

Married guys value their privacy. They have far more at risk than I do. Their family lives and even careers could be ruined by a run-in with someone they know while with their SB. This means that those sorts of arrangements, besides an occasional meal out, take place completely in private.

That is not Mr M's style.

He wants a girl to flaunt. He wants to go shopping and to the theatre. And while we're there he wants to make it clear to everyone that we are sexually involved.

That is not my style.

Let me be clear here, I am not ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise mortified by being an SB. When I am alone with my thoughts I am not disturbed at all by being an SB, in fact I really enjoy looking back on my experiences so far.

I don't have a problem being with an SD in public, I have a problem with an SD groping me and saying inappropriate things to me in public. I guess I was only meant for married SDs!

So, Mr M and I will be having a little chat next weekend when I fly to visit him. We will not be going shopping at Victoria's Secret together. We will not be going to ballet. We will be staying at his beautiful condo so I can cook a wonderful dinner and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. Unless he learns to keep his hands to himself in public, this is how it will be.

In the mean time...

Although C is clearly my preference, I have met with another potential and will probably keep him around for a while. Mr M is perfectly nice, almost too nice.

I'll explain by telling you about our first meeting. He was in town last week, so I made some time to see him after work one day. We met at the bar of the posh hotel he was staying in. He hugged me right off, and was in general a bit more 'touchy-feely' than I like to be in public. That rule goes for boyfriends and SDs alike. I'm not a huge fan of lots of arm touching or hand holding, and kissing is absolutely verboten. If I'm in public with an SD, the general population should not automatically wonder if we're fucking each other.

He has had four previous arrangements over the past ten years or so. To me that means that he probably has a very specific idea of what his SB should be, and what he expects from the arrangement. That can be great - if it matches with what I'm looking for.

I think in general he is a match, except for his desired level of privacy. Despite not being ashamed or guilty or anything like that about being an SB, I don't like for the general public to know about it. Mr M doesn't seem to care if the people sitting next to us at a restaurant figure it out or not.... actually, I think he might want them to figure it out. With the age difference hovering right around 30+ years, I'm really uncomfortable with that.

But, he's a huge sweetheart. He brought me chocolates, and insisted on calling a car for me (not a cab, a chauffeured car). So, one of these weekends soon I will be making the short flight to see him on his home turf. I'm looking forward to it and not at the same time. C is still my priority, but Mr M is a good alternative should C end up falling through, as so many great potentials do!

A Little More About C

My favorite current potential will be flying into town in a couple of weeks! I'm really excited to meet him finally and see if we work well together. He's coming out here for business, so I feel a lot less pressure. I've had a couple of potentials in the past fly in just to see me, so it's nice that he has something else to occupy him during the day.

I'm very excited about this potential. He's quite attractive and when we've spoken on the phone I've felt very comfortable with him. He's intelligent and we have a lot of similar interests. It's always nice to find someone I can have a conversation with about an article in the Wall Street Journal or New York Times.

We've already worked out the general details of how our arrangement would work, right down to which flights are best. I would fly out to visit him every other weekend Friday night after my internship, then take the red-eye back home Sunday night/Monday morning. He will be doing business in my city a bit more often, and will probably visit once a month.

He's done this before, with another college student. She also had to fly in to see him. He's a busy guy, so he assured me that when I visit him I will probably spend a lot of the time alone in his house while he is working. Perfect for me to be able to keep up on schoolwork.

All in all, I really hope when we meet everything is as perfect as it seems on paper!

Chicken or the Egg?

I think a lot of girls have the seeds of becoming a sugar baby already in them just from our culture and media.

One of my favorite movies is 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.' It's a great movie, with some pretty clear sugar baby overtones. Another standout (and another Marilyn movie!) is 'How to Marry a Millionaire.'

It is unbelievably common in movies for an older guy to be with a younger girl. It's only commented on if the age difference is more than 20 years! Another classic movie is 'Sabrina' with Audrey Hepburn. She ends up with Linus, played by Humphrey Bogart, who is clearly quite older than her.

My mother, who delighted in ruining movies, would often point this out to me. She tried to teach me that it was unnatural. She thought that these old men in movies got the hot young girls because old men financed the movies and wanted to see that. She refused to watch The Drew Carey Show because he was a fat, ugly, older guy who had a fairly attractive girlfriend.

Truth is, I think this is a lot more common than my mother, and many other women, would like to admit. I see it all the time, walking down the street in the city. Perhaps not quite as extreme as in movies and on TV (but everything is more extreme in movies). A really hot girl with a guy who has a bit of a beer gut. A 25 year old marrying a 35 year old.

I don't find myself attracted at all to guys my own age anymore. Perhaps that comes from being a SB, or perhaps that's why being an SB appealed to me. Chicken or the egg?

And can I just point out that Marge is way too hot for Homer? What is it that he brings to that relationship, really? I don't really see any redeeming qualities!