My First Meeting P1

I was so nervous. The whole way there on the subway I had my ipod on really loud, trying not to think about what I was doing. I nearly didn't go. I called M earlier in the day and almost canceled. In the end we agreed to meet a little later than we originally planned.

As I walked up from the subway and down the street I nearly turned back around. What was I doing? Meeting a man nearly old enough to be my father, in a bar when I was only 19!

I was relieved when I made it to the bar, but only because it was so cold outside. Once I thawed out and took a look around I realized that I didn't see anyone who looked like the picture he'd used on his profile. I started to panic. What if he wasn't there? What if someone carded me? What if I knew someone in here?

Just as I was about to leave a man sitting alone at a table caught my eye and mouthed across the room 'CB?' I nodded and made my way over.

He wasn't the man from the photo, and he later explained that it was a picture of one of his friends. He was actually more attractive, and after the first couple of minutes I felt fairly relaxed with him.

I had no idea what I was doing. I hadn't planned in advance what I was willing to tell him and what i wasn't. We talked about our families, and I ended up saying more than I should have. I'm lucky it never came back to haunt me!

He had two homes, one here in the city and one down in Florida. His wife and kids were down in Florida, and they rarely came to our city. He was here a lot for business. He was in real estate in some fashion. I wonder now how he's doing. If he managed to escape the bubble popping and all that.

He ordered me a glass of wine as I had no idea what I wanted. When it came I drank only a little of it. I didn't want to get drunk. He took this to mean that I didn't like it, so he asked the waitress to take it back and get me a cosmo instead. I felt so embarrassed!

After we had been there nearly an hour he took a phone call from his wife. He stepped outside after the intial 'Hi Honey. Yes, still at the bar, watching the game.' I wondered if she could tell, but I didn't feel any guilt.

TBC...

Expectations for First Meetings

'Expectations' might not be quite the right word, but it's close. I have general ideas on how a first meeting should go. These are flexible and are simply guidelines, but in general they fit.

I know a lot of girls expect a gift of some sort on the first meeting, but I never have expected that, and I never have received that. What I do expect is for the man to pay for whatever drink/food I order. This has never been an issue, as I think it's understood. Also, I would say 75% of the time the man offers to pay for my cab ride home. I usually accept this, and it's always nice to have it offered.

First meetings should never be too long. I would say anything over an hour and a half is too long. One man said he only had time for a quick meeting, and then we ended up sitting in the bar for three hours. Too long!

Topics of conversation should be like any first date, although when we first meet in the bar/restaurant/whatever I never say 'So nice to meet you' or anything like that. I wouldn't want the people around us to think anything other than innocent things about what we are up to. I do talk a bit about my background, but I keep it vague. I'm always surprised when men give me very intimate details of their lives, when they've only just met me!

In general, I'm here to see if we have any chemistry. Don't try too hard, it backfires. I'm also making sure that you are who you said you were online. Most importantly, I'm doing a gut check. Do you freak me out? Do I get a bad vibe? Do I feel that I could spend time with you and enjoy it?

That's it!

Nailing it all Down

Talking about specifics of an arrangement is very tricky. I've dealt with everything from first emails outlining exactly how often they want to meet and what allowance they want to give, to never even discussing those things.

Personally, I prefer to wait until after we've had a first meeting to talk about specifics, through emails. This way we've already established that we both would like to go ahead with an arrangement, and can get the business out of the way.

Many guys want to talk about it during the first meeting, but this puts me off a bit for two reasons. First, we're in public, and god only knows who is listening in on what we are talking about. Secondly, it is awkward no matter how you look at it, and discussing it in person, especially if we disagree in anything, just makes it more awkward.

I've actually had one arrangement where we never discussed neither how often we would meet, nor what type of allowance he was willing to give. It worked out fine, but didn't last long as I think neither of us was happy with the situation.

The easiest thing for me is just putting it in my profile. I make it very clear in the text of my profile how often I want to meet a month, and both sites I'm on have a place to put 'desired allowance.' I hate that most men put 'negotiable.' This doesn't help me out at all! You must have a number in mind, just tell me!

First Meeting Nerves

I'm always nervous. Always.

The more that I want you to like me, the more nervous I'm going to be. If for instance you are really cute, or you seem like the perfect potential, I'm going to be more nervous than if you're a bit out of my target age range, or seem cheap.

But I'm still nervous.

The handful of first meetings I've had have mainly been at bars. They've ranged from a neighborhood bar where the guy said everyone knew his name (a bit creepy) to the bar at a 5 star hotel which had an elevator attendant. I've also had first meetings at coffee shops, restaurants, and one on the steps of a museum.

I have a couple of rules, as I've mentioned before, but I forgot to mention one that applies to first meetings.

I don't shave my legs.

Yeah, you heard me. I don't shave my legs. This helps me keep another one of my rules, not to sleep with a potential on the first meeting. This, of course, is waived in the cases where I've gone in knowing ahead of time that I was going to sleep with the man right away, but that's only been twice. It's probably a little silly, but it seems to do the trick.

I was tempted once, and was so glad that I had that to keep me from breaking my rule!!

Sometimes I do get angry

I always try my best to stay calm about everything to do with the SD world. These guys have specific things they want, and if I'm not it I'm not going to get upset about it. I've been told many times by potentials that I am not what they want, and I've always been cool about it.

Then you get assholes like this guy. Let's call him D for douche. He sends me a one sentence email, so I email him back, asking questions and cracking a joke. When I took the time to look closer at his profile I realized there was no way he was the age he said he was, and I simply am not comfortable with men over a certain age.

He emailed me back pretty quickly, asking to see pictures. I decided to be polite and not leave him hanging so I wrote:

"Thanks for the message. I actually looked a bit closer at your profile and I don't think we are looking for the same thing. Thanks though, and best of luck!!"

He almost immediately writes back, accusing me of being one of many hookers who 'clog up this site' and added 'thanks for wasting my time.'

I understand where he might have gotten that because his profile specifies that he is not looking for a 'hooker,' but he should have read my profile where I specify that I am not a prostitute.

He blocked me so that I couldn't respond, so I became frustrated and a little angry! He miss-represented himself (his age) and so I am not interested. I honestly think what bothers me most is that he said I wasted his time. I try to be polite and considerate by letting him know I wasn't interested, and get slammed for it.

Oh well.

Craigslist vs The Sites

I've been on two different sites for meeting SDs the couple of years I've been doing this. There are some great advantages to the sites, mainly that the men have to fill out profiles with their ages, location, and what they want. Some even list what amount of allowance they are willing to give. Sure, lots and lots of them lie, but at least you can get a general idea.

One of the sites I am on is a bit more classy, I suppose. I get fewer emails from it, but they are more likely to be quality. My one long-term SD I found through this site. The other site has a lot of guys who are just getting their rocks off by chatting, and looking for call girls, but I have met with a couple of nice potentials from there as well. Plus, it's a nice ego boost every morning to wake up to ten emails from guys who want to fuck me. No, I'm not interested, but it's an ego boost just like the Mexican guy at the corner shop who always asks if I have a boyfriend.

I just recently took a look at craigslist for the first time, and the idea of it all scares me a bit more than the sites do. I don't like that most of the men give very little information about themselves. I guess I'm just used to the profiles with ages and heights.

There's also something about having to email them. Sure, I could just put my own posting up, but so far I've been the one going after them. It's not my usual style, and not really how I like to start things off. I want them to want me, to come after me, otherwise the whole thing just seems off balance!

I emailed two men from craigslist the other day, and one of them actually seems like someone I might end up meeting. But that was mainly because he treated his post like a profile and filled in all the info I could want on him. Well, and he's also quite charming and mentioned taking me to a restaurant that I've been dying to try! In such a big city it just seems funny that he thought of that one restaurant too.

Perhaps I'll have to change my mind about craigslist and put it into my regular mix of sites to check. We shall see!

Going Down... Yeah, There

I'm not a big fan of guys going down on me. I mentioned it in a previous post, so I thought I should clarify. Don't get me wrong, I'm not self-conscious down there, and I don't hate my vagina by any means! Call me sick, but I also happen to really enjoy going down on guys. They never seem to believe me. All those girls out there who complain about it ruin it for the rest of us!

Really, it just comes down to the fact that I am not going to come from you licking my clitoris, and guys just don't seem to understand that. They just keep going and going and going like freaking Energizer Bunnies. At some point it stops feeling good and starts to be really uncomfortable!

Sure, I could just tell the guy to stop, but then they get this puppy-dog look like 'I wasn't good enough to get you off?' It's not that you're not good enough, it's just that it's not going to happen. It's just so much easier to fake it and get to see the big grins on their faces when they come back up to kiss me.

On top of that there's all the noise I need to make. I'm not a loud person when I come. I normally am perfectly still and completely silent, but that's not what guys want. The bad thing is that I am pretty loud when I'm actually being pounded into, so guys expect that all the time. So I have to lay there and moan and writhe and tell the guy just how good everything feels.

Here's the thing. Having you lick and flick and poke around down there doesn't feel nearly the same as having you slamming into me. Yeah, I'm going to moan and scream and whimper and all of that when you're pounding into me. If you expect the same from a couple of flicks of your tongue then you're deluded. Lucky for you, I'm willing to indulge your delusions.

Hell, they should be thanking me for faking it!

Married Men

Out of all the men I've talked with and met most were married. Of course, this means they were looking for an extramarital affair. They are cheaters.

I think for a lot of people this is the biggest problem they have with arrangements, the cheating. They want to know how I can do it, be the 'other woman' knowingly. How can I possibly condone infidelity?

My answer is simple, and unoriginal: I don't condone it but I do provide it.

I have no problem with seeing married men. In fact, I prefer them. They demand far less of my time, and have even more reason than I to be discrete. Single guys often want to show me off, and I'm not comfortable with that. Who knows who might be sitting in the booth next to us, or going to the same play?

The next question is always an inquiry to how I would handle this in my own life. I believe I am honest when I say that I wouldn't mind. I've had this conversation (theoretically only!) with friends, and they are always shocked that I wouldn't mind if my future husband cheated on me.

There are some restrictions though, and these are ones I follow in my SB life. The man cannot have real feelings for me, and everything is kept as discrete as possible. I only see men who say they are happy in their marriages.

My long-term SD was married, and he once confessed to me that he had been with a woman in his office a couple of years back. He was clearly feeling guilty about her, and probably about me too, so I quickly soothed him. He was much smarter being with me. He was having safe, protected sex. There were no possible complications. His wife would never know, and it left him able to go home at night in a better mood to kiss his wife on the cheek.

To many people cheating is cheating, no way around it, and that's fine. For me, all I care about is emotional cheating. Keep it just about sex and don't throw it in my face and we'll have a happy life!

The Rules

I'd like to think I'm a pretty laid back kind of girl, but even I have a couple of simple, basic, easy-to-follow rules that every guy must comply with if he wants to set up a first meeting.

1. I must see a picture of you.
This is important for my own personal safety, and simply for general peace of mind. I do not have friends that I can talk to about this aspect of my life, so when I'm going to meet a potential for the first time I save his photo and general information in a Word document on the desktop of my laptop. If anything goes wrong, the cops are going to find you!
I also hate the feeling of going into a restaurant or coffee shop or bar and not having any clue as to who I am meeting. One man told me he thought it would amuse him to watch me try to figure out who he was in a Starbucks at noon. Yeah, it might be fun for you, and in general I'm all for playing games, but let's keep those games confined to the bedroom!

2. I must have your phone number
Lots of guys 'block' their phone number when they first call me. Again, this is just a simple safety issue.

3. We meet in a public place
Safety safety safety. I'm just a safety kind of girl! In general this has been either a bar or a restaurant. Coffee shops are fine, but I always prefer to have the meeting be around an hour long to really see if we have any chemistry, and who wants to sit in a crowded starbucks for an hour? Not me!

4. We are not going back to yours quite yet (sometimes)
I've broken this rule twice, and both times (Mr D included) I did not regret it, and both times it was because they flew into town just to see me.
In general though I think it is better (for me and for the potential) not to have any expectations of that type so we can spend the time seeing if we have chemistry.

With most potentials I never even have to mention my rules. Most are gentlemen and provide me with everything I could want to feel safe and comfortable when I am with them. I have never been in a situation where I did not feel safe with a potential or with an SD, and for that I am beyond thankful!

To Come or not to Come

# of Orgasms I've had: Countless

# of Orgasms from Men: 2

# of faked Orgasms: Countless again

I have had two real, honest-to-god orgasms thanks to men. I can get myself off easy, but coming during sex usually eludes me.

My first non-masturbatory orgasm was my first time meeting my one and only long-term SD (sugar daddy). I was on top, and he had just come, but was still inside me. We weren't even moving. I could feel it coming, and wasn't sure if I should let it, but ended up saying 'screw it.' I don't think he even noticed.

My second was while another SD was going down on me. Normally, I really can't enjoy that (long story), but before I had met up with him I had used my vibrator right up until I was about to come. So, I think it had less to do with his skill and more to do with the fact that I was already 90% there.

My last ex (as in real boy friend) was the only person I haven't had to fake it for. He didn't give a shit if I came or not, which I suppose should have tipped me off to him being a total asshole. Oh well!

The guy I'm currently seeing (non-SD) would probably be devastated if he knew I faked. I feel bad, but he really seems to put a lot on whether or not he can get me off, and he's such a nice guy I just can't tell him the truth!